Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering turkeys, Bueller, blast chillers, and more.

Video below. Lots of male ass (beneath a C.C. Sabathia jersey), so proceed with caution. Here's the story from our tipster:

It is impossible to watch this video and not find yourself actively rooting for the Ireland fan to successfully locate and open a portable toilet in Poznan. The European Championship is truly awash in human drama. [Total Pro Sports, via SportsGrid]

The ivy is safe. The troughs are endangered.

A drunk, underage woman couldn't — or wouldn't — make it to the bathrooms at Fenway last night. This is her story.

In at least six major league ballparks across the Midwest, a mysterious figure has been stepping up to urinals and dropping trou to the ankles to relieve himself. Of course, there's a video compilation.

The Metrodome will not let the Twins escape easily, even if it has to trap former Rookies of the Year inside its porcelain bowels for all eternity.