Hey Look, It's The Sad Cocktail Grenades You Always Wanted

Evidently these have been around for a while, but they're new to me. BuzzBallz: Regret In a Can. BuzzBallz: Liquid Cold-Sore. BuzzBallz: Convex Around the Sides, Like Your Abdomen When Fluid Accumulates In Your Peritoneal Cavity as a Result of the Liver Cirrhosis You Get From Living the Kind of Life That Involves… » 9/24/14 11:48am 9/24/14 11:48am

Canned Beer Is The Best Beer

Although I've recently moved into an apartment with three ceiling fans, seven windows, and a bedroom door, I do not consider myself a wealthy man. But every Thursday, my wife comes into a little bit of money, and if I time the transaction just right, I can occasionally buy something useful before she blows it all on… » 3/28/14 4:12pm 3/28/14 4:12pm

13 Drinks To Get You Through The Worst Month Of The Year

Did any of you wasters (pretend to) go alcohol-free in January? I know Jolie did, and I considered joining her, because I'm a big proponent of limiting your gross booze intake any way you can. Obviously year-round moderation is the best way to do it, but many of us just aren't wired that way, nor do we wish to be. I… » 1/31/14 2:30pm 1/31/14 2:30pm

Our Month Without Booze Is Past The Midpoint. Shit's Getting Real.

Week Three. The Wall. We warned you that Week Three would be the hardest. The novelty of Drynuary definitely wears off by now, boredom creeps in with a vengeance, and somehow you have to negotiate the interminable two weeks between the NFL conference championships and the Super Bowl without your favorite pastime. It… » 1/20/14 5:38pm 1/20/14 5:38pm

How Much Should You Tip Your Bartender? More Than You're Tipping Now

A friend recently asked Twitter if she should tip the guy who painted a room in her house. I told her painters are creeps and criminals and hers could be counted upon to gratuitize himself via her sock and silverware drawers, because I resort to stereotyping when I'm scared and confused, and I don't have any goddamn… » 1/17/14 3:25pm 1/17/14 3:25pm

Let's Make A Really Good Bloody Mary, For Once

When I was a dirty young man working at a low-end marketing outfit, I scoffed at the tagline for the office-approved Dockers-rock station that played all day in any cube pod where the clip artisans outnumbered the conference callers. In between Lilith Fair dirges, furniture store ads, and the softer Third Eye Blind… » 1/10/14 2:00pm 1/10/14 2:00pm

I'm Going A Month Without Booze, For Some Reason. Join Me?

Drynuary. The reality is as unattractive as the word: An entire month* without alcohol. That means no beer in front of football, no after-work glass of wine. No going out for one too many drinks with that friend you haven't seen in ages but can pick up with like your last conversation was yesterday. No bourbon in your… » 1/03/14 4:01pm 1/03/14 4:01pm

An Ode To One Of America's Best Dive Bars

You've probably never heard of Bowling Green unless its college basketball team, the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky, has broken your bracket, one year or another. The city sits between Louisville and Nashville, and people drive there from all over southern Kentucky to eat, to shop, and, most of all, to drink. That's… » 12/06/13 3:05pm 12/06/13 3:05pm

Why The Hell Does Your Drink Cost So Much?

I'm not ambitious enough to be downright thrifty, but I try to avoid abject retail stupidity. I know better than to buy paper plates when the free magazines and underwear catalogs that clog my mailbox are perfectly capable of supporting even the hammin'est of sandwiches. I drink tap water, and I'm smart enough to turn… » 11/01/13 2:06pm 11/01/13 2:06pm

Chart: 71 Fictional Beers

Not content with mapping out over 500 actual beers, Pop Chart Lab has now cataloged 71 fictitious beers and beer-like substances from popular media. Everyone's heard of Butterbeer, but did you know about Heisler—an in-house fake beer from prop supplier Independent Studio Services—has been used in Desperate Housewives, » 10/21/13 3:42pm 10/21/13 3:42pm

Hey, Alleged Adult: Stop Playing Drinking Games

I trust you've heard that school starts right this very instant or at least soon or perhaps recently. Are you ready? Have you bought and thought all the right things relating to educational electronics and the passage of time? Do you have a bushel of new underwear and an inflated sense of self-worth? Are the college… » 9/06/13 2:30pm 9/06/13 2:30pm