For nearly two decades, Sports Illustrated has stirred the tea leaves to discern a weekly Sign of the Apocalypse. Deadspin salutes the magazine's ongoing effort to cover the end of times but declines to cede the scoop on the biggest event in world history.

After learning that Fred Davis's season was over with a torn Achilles tendon, the Redskins called up Chris Cooley, fan favorite and Washington's tight end from 2004 to 2011. While negotiating a contract, Cooley had an interesting, hop-filled request that Washington unfortunately didn't fulfill.

Cooley's dong has long been a friend of Deadspin, and we're glad that the Redskins TE finally embraced his inner donginess, even if it took a broken index finger to do it. He's out up to six weeks.

Washington Redskins tight ends: They're just like us! Chris Cooley, down-to-earth potter, also finds strange gratification in seeing Tony Romo fail. During his weekly guest spot on the LaVar and Dukes show in Washington, Cooley fed the rivalry by sharing how he really feels about the Cowboys QB:

Local police in Leesburg, Va. are searching for the suspect that broke into Chris Cooley's art gallery on South King Street early Friday morning. Thankfully, no art or pottery was stolen in the burglary. More importantly, though, Chris Cooley owns an art gallery.

Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Redskins tight end Chris Cooley.