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Our Night-Blind President
There are different degrees of being on vacation. There are the ones that involve unplugging all the way—smash your dumbass phone with a large flat rock, shred your passport, move to the woods for like six days, then come home and I guess shop for a new phone. There are the moderate, heavily hedged ...

The Passion Of Dr. Narwhals Mating
With Drew still loose in the rustic wilds of Maine—we have received credible and deeply disturbing reports of him scampering up scenic mountains and devouring crustacean-centric meals in ways that horrified bystanders—the Deadcast casts its gaze back upon past glory this week. There’s a lot of glory...

Finally, Here's The All-Borat Episode<em></em>
When we recorded this Deadcast, Sacha Baron Cohen’s Who Is America had yet to premiere. To the extent that we or our extra-lanky returning guest Patrick Redford knew anything about the show, it was through a series of brief promotional videos in which Cohen himself didn’t even appear, although it se...

I Still Love You, England<em></em>
When I adopted England as my team for this America-free World Cup, I figured they would fuck me over by bowing out early, maybe underwhelming in the group stages. Instead, they REALLY fucked me over by making a run, getting my hopes up, and then collapsing against Croatia when they had more than a f...

Let's Unplug The NBA Offseason And Plug It Back In
There is no fan community in American sports that thinks more about how it does what it does than NBA fans. This isn’t necessarily a compliment, but it’s not really up for debate, either. The NBA is the best and most interesting league that we’ve got, and as such is pretty excellent to get excited o...

Civility Is For Losers
It’s not that there aren’t sports happening. Sports are happening, for sure. The latest chapter in the epic Panama/Tunisia rivalry will be written later today in the World Cup, MLB’s regular season is wheezing grandly into the early part of its Boring And Insignificant portion, and NBA weirdos are g...

Let's Speculate Idly About The NBA Draft
The NBA Draft: When is it? What is it? Will you, personally, be selected in this draft? Look, man: I don’t know this shit and honestly I don’t appreciate being asked. That said, the NBA Draft is 1) happening on Thursday evening, 2) effectively random and reliably entertaining, and 3) unless your win...

The Hater's Guide To The 2018 World Cup
The World Cup: truly a tradition unlike any other, except I guess for the Olympics which it is kind of like in the sense that a bunch of people who only care about a thing every four years suddenly care about it so much. Most of the world, of course, cares about soccer a great deal all the time, but...

Just How Extremely Over Are The NBA Finals?
Let me take you inside the game for a moment: we record the Deadcast a little while before you actually hear the Deadcast. It is not, despite the seamlessly integrated ads and effortlessly fluid riffage, a live show. When we recorded this one on Wednesday morning, the NBA Finals were not quite as ex...

The Week That Twitter Wrecked Everyone
During this week, which is only about half over, some extremely overstated acts of Twitter-based idiocy have already led to the cancellation of ABC’s hit reboot of Roseanne, thanks to the latest extremely racist flare-up of star Roseanne Barr’s longstanding and apparently incurable case of Internet ...

Donald Trump Definitely Needs Glasses
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. The plan was just to keep on honking away like big idiots about the NBA playoffs for as long as we possibly could, and Drew and I were certainly ready to hold up our end of that bargain. But the stupendous lameness of the NBA playoffs at this moment and the simulta...

In The Future, We Will All Gamble Constantly
The NBA Playoffs should be at something like their apex right now, and in the least entertaining possible sense they may well be. There are four notionally entertaining teams left, and they have combined through four games for maybe three entertaining quarters. The league’s biggest and most brillian...