Why Are Hot Takers Truthering The Missouri Fiasco?

Missouri is playing a football game this Saturday night—a game that was recently put in jeopardy by the ongoing firestorm at the school. It’s a big ol’ shitshow that promises to get messier before it gets cleaner, with potential strikes, ousted chancellors, professors begging for muscle (coming right up!), hot takers… »11/12/15 1:46pm11/12/15 1:46pm

Eagles Fans Will Steal Your Trash Cans, And Your Trash

The Editor-In-Chief of this website had his garbage can stolen from outside his house last night, with his garbage still in it. By a man wearing an Eagles jacket. Why did he steal it? Will it end up on Chip Kelly’s lawn? Are Philadelphians just natural scavengers? This deepening mystery is the subject of this week’s… »10/06/15 3:52pm10/06/15 3:52pm

Ta-Nehisi Coates Needs An Editor, Says Editor Who Edited Like One Blog Post In 18 Months

Earlier this week, Atlantic writer Ta-Nehisi Coates published an enormous study of mass incarceration and its impact on African-American families in America today. The article is comprehensive, exhaustive, compellingly written, and reaches back into centuries of American oppression to come to the conclusion that the… »9/16/15 4:19pm9/16/15 4:19pm

Geno Smith Got His Face Caved In Because He’s A Poor Leader

The moment word got out that Geno Smith had his jaw broken in two places by a teammate, you KNEW there would be takes. You KNEW that a one-sided fight would become twisted into a referendum on Smith’s leadership. And so it has come to pass. God bless you, Jason Whitlock. God bless you, Rich Cimini. God bless you,… »8/12/15 2:42pm8/12/15 2:42pm

Tom Brady Lied And Killed Babies With His Lies

It’s the day after the NFL’s bombshell revelation—all revelations must be BOMBSHELL—that Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone before NFL investigators could get their hands on it and use it to expose his plots. But he destroyed more than just his cell phone that day, fair reader … HE DESTROYED OUR NATIONAL INNOCENCE. »7/29/15 4:31pm7/29/15 4:31pm

Chris Broussard Is ESPN’s Favorite Kind Of Shitty

Between fucking up his report on the DeAndre Jordan saga and beefing with co-workers about the chastity of Russell Wilson, last week was quite a week for ESPN reporter and self-proclaimed “thought leader” Chris Broussard. With ESPN tightening its belt and sending away expensive, outspoken talent like Keith Olbermann… »7/13/15 2:35pm7/13/15 2:35pm

People Who Hate Air Conditioning Are Commie Assholes

It’s summer again, which means it’s time for a whole new round of dirty hippie assholes smarming up the Internet with their anti-air conditioning takes. Even the Pope got in on it. NOT COOL, COOL POPE. Anyway, these air conditioning shamers are a scourge and they must be destroyed, starting with the editor-in-chief of… »7/06/15 4:25pm7/06/15 4:25pm

Deadcast: Did La’el Collins Stiff A Hooker Who Ate His Ass Out?

It’s the question of our time, really: Did Dallas Cowboys rookie free agent lineman La’el Collins help himself to a free tossed salad? A self-proclaimed “orally gifted” escort who goes by the handle of THROATZILLA certainly thinks so, and she publicly unloaded both barrels on Collins earlier this month by making her… »6/16/15 6:01pm6/16/15 6:01pm