Canned Beer Is The Best Beer

Although I've recently moved into an apartment with three ceiling fans, seven windows, and a bedroom door, I do not consider myself a wealthy man. But every Thursday, my wife comes into a little bit of money, and if I time the transaction just right, I can occasionally buy something useful before she blows it all on… » 3/28/14 4:12pm 3/28/14 4:12pm

Irish Beers, Ranked

St. Patrick's Day is tough on a civic-minded, humanist boozebag. I love New Year's Eve and Thanksgiving Morning and Arbor Weekend and all the other "amateur hours" that too many self-proclaimed sophisticates haughtily dismiss, but Paddy's Day comes soaked with complications beyond the rivers of glitter and puke that flow … » 3/14/14 3:00pm 3/14/14 3:00pm

Please Stop Glorifying Crummy Dive Bars

I live in Massachusetts, which is a proud but anxious state with liberal policies regarding who can get married or call his roast beef famous and very conservative rules concerning most other types of personal behavior. For example, it's a lot harder than you'd think to get a drink around here. » 3/07/14 3:00pm 3/07/14 3:00pm

24 Light Beers, Ranked

Raise your hand if you're even fatter now than you were on New Year's Day. No, your other hand, the one that isn't strangling a donut. Oh, I see. Well, do you have a third hand? Never mind, the tear tracks carved through your powdered-sugar beard are affirmation enough. » 2/28/14 2:37pm 2/28/14 2:37pm

Our Booze-Free Month Is Over. Hallelujah!

If you are reading this, you've stuck with us through another Drynuary. And you're probably on the cusp of letting Drynuary ride off into the sunset, like we are! Well, like SOME of us. [COUGH! Jolie! COUGH!] Who is probably reading this through rosé colored glasses. » 1/31/14 4:18pm 1/31/14 4:18pm

13 Drinks To Get You Through The Worst Month Of The Year

Did any of you wasters (pretend to) go alcohol-free in January? I know Jolie did, and I considered joining her, because I'm a big proponent of limiting your gross booze intake any way you can. Obviously year-round moderation is the best way to do it, but many of us just aren't wired that way, nor do we wish to be. I… » 1/31/14 2:30pm 1/31/14 2:30pm

11 Shots Of Liquor, Reconsidered

Good afternoon! Let me tell you how to run your wedding. Just kidding, no one cares about your wedding. Now, back to my wedding: We sprung for the all-you-can-guzzle beer and wine buffet, but we didn't serve hard liquor. This is partly because we're cheapskates and partly because we're sane—the reception was at a… » 1/24/14 2:00pm 1/24/14 2:00pm

Our Month Without Booze Is Past The Midpoint. Shit's Getting Real.

Week Three. The Wall. We warned you that Week Three would be the hardest. The novelty of Drynuary definitely wears off by now, boredom creeps in with a vengeance, and somehow you have to negotiate the interminable two weeks between the NFL conference championships and the Super Bowl without your favorite pastime. It… » 1/20/14 5:38pm 1/20/14 5:38pm

How Much Should You Tip Your Bartender? More Than You're Tipping Now

A friend recently asked Twitter if she should tip the guy who painted a room in her house. I told her painters are creeps and criminals and hers could be counted upon to gratuitize himself via her sock and silverware drawers, because I resort to stereotyping when I'm scared and confused, and I don't have any goddamn… » 1/17/14 3:25pm 1/17/14 3:25pm

Let's Make A Really Good Bloody Mary, For Once

When I was a dirty young man working at a low-end marketing outfit, I scoffed at the tagline for the office-approved Dockers-rock station that played all day in any cube pod where the clip artisans outnumbered the conference callers. In between Lilith Fair dirges, furniture store ads, and the softer Third Eye Blind… » 1/10/14 2:00pm 1/10/14 2:00pm

I'm Going A Month Without Booze, For Some Reason. Join Me?

Drynuary. The reality is as unattractive as the word: An entire month* without alcohol. That means no beer in front of football, no after-work glass of wine. No going out for one too many drinks with that friend you haven't seen in ages but can pick up with like your last conversation was yesterday. No bourbon in your… » 1/03/14 4:01pm 1/03/14 4:01pm

Old Cuban: The Only Champagne Cocktail Worth Drinking on New Year's Eve

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Around the holidays—most especially post-Christmas, pre-New Year's Eve—I am approached with endless requests for champagne-based cocktails. Yet until a few years ago, I almost always disappointed all of those who asked. If for no other reason than I couldn't name too many champagne-based cocktails appropriate for late… » 12/27/13 2:52pm 12/27/13 2:52pm

An Ode To One Of America's Best Dive Bars

You've probably never heard of Bowling Green unless its college basketball team, the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky, has broken your bracket, one year or another. The city sits between Louisville and Nashville, and people drive there from all over southern Kentucky to eat, to shop, and, most of all, to drink. That's… » 12/06/13 3:05pm 12/06/13 3:05pm

Cheap Bourbons, Ranked

Each year around mid-August, publicists start burying everyone in the food journalizing racket with ideas for Thanksgiving coverage. Most of their emails concern ways in which a client, usually a lesser television chef or an agricultural marketing board, can enhance your stuffing with this or that upscale mushroom or… » 11/25/13 3:00pm 11/25/13 3:00pm

Chart: 71 Fictional Beers

Not content with mapping out over 500 actual beers, Pop Chart Lab has now cataloged 71 fictitious beers and beer-like substances from popular media. Everyone's heard of Butterbeer, but did you know about Heisler—an in-house fake beer from prop supplier Independent Studio Services—has been used in Desperate Housewives, » 10/21/13 3:42pm 10/21/13 3:42pm