The World Is A Hurtful Goddamn Mess: A Message To The Class Of 2015

Oh, God. Grad season. THE WORST. Yes, it’s that time of year when colleges around the nation pay $50,000+ a pop for some celebrity or politician or (God help the children) author to come in and spray hot knowledge all over the senior class before the kids can finally stand in line for a diploma and get on with their… » 5/19/15 1:52pm 5/19/15 1:52pm

How To Suck: A Special Message To The Graduating Class Of 2014

This is all about sucking, so I'll begin with me, in a parking lot, parked too close to the adjacent car. I open my car door and inadvertently hit the other dude's door. I pray that I haven't left a scratch, or a dent, or something substantial that would require insurance-card swapping and 10 minutes on the phone… » 5/15/14 2:49pm 5/15/14 2:49pm

You're Fucked, But You're Free: A Message To The Class Of 2013

It's May, which means it's time once again for actors and writers and politicians and whatever Thomas Friedman is to hit the graduation circuit and hold senior classes hostage for hours and hours in 85-degree heat. These grad speeches are little more than TED talks in funny hats. Trust me: One day, you will see… » 5/15/13 2:56pm 5/15/13 2:56pm

A Special Graduation Message To The Class Of 2012

I had a long drive home the night that I found out my son was in grave danger of being born too early. Not long in the sense of distance, but long in an existential way, the way that a minute spent waiting in a dentist's office is far longer than a minute spent hooking up with someone for the first time (SO EXCITING).… » 5/09/12 3:45pm 5/09/12 3:45pm

A Special Graduation Message To The Class of 2011

Every year, thousands of young Americans graduate from college. And every year, those poor wretched hungover bastards are forced to sit out in some quad in million-degree heat to listen to a mildly famous person yammer on and on for hours about how these kids will change the world and all that bullshit. And do you… » 5/05/11 11:15am 5/05/11 11:15am

A Special Balls Deep Message To The Class Of 2008

This is BALLS DEEP With Drew Magary (Balls® is a registered trademark and has been used with the expressed written consent of AJ Daulerio). It's gonna be like an SI Point After column, only with dick jokes. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100 percent all-new material, is available here.
You can email him…
» 6/12/08 2:20pm 6/12/08 2:20pm