Tony Romo Gets All The Money

NFL.com reports that the Cowboys have locked up Tony Romo as their quarterback for the foreseeable future, signing him to a six-year deal worth $108 million. We all know NFL contracts are dirty lies, and the only thing that matters is guaranteed money. Romo gets $55 million guaranteed. Holy balls.

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Meet The Cowboys' New $2 Million Luxury Bus, Named "The Elegant Lady"

Jerry Jones's wet dream of crystal and chrome has hit the road. "The Elegant Lady," the Dallas Cowboys' new bus, made a brief appearance at the Super Bowl, but it's officially being unveiled ahead of the NFL combine. Forty-five feet long, 8'6" wide, and 13 feet tall, the coach will shuttle Cowboys brass around…

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On Further Review, Roger Goodell Fucked Up This NFL Season From End To …

Cowboys-Redskins was the biggest matchup of the year, a win-or-go-home game for two division rivals. It turned out to be the most-watched regular-season sporting event in 15 years. But one familiar face was missing from the FedEx Field suites: commissioner Roger Goodell, who found something else to do Sunday night.…

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Cowboys Brass Had No Idea Josh Brent Would Be On The Sidelines

Josh Brent was drunk when he flipped his car, killing teammate and friend Jerry Brown. So it created a little mental dissonance to see him on the sidelines at Cowboys Stadium just a week later, cheering on Dallas during their win over Pittsburgh. Now it comes out that owner Jerry Jones and head coach Jason Garrett…

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Back In 1995, The Simpsons Visited The NFL On Fox, And Homer Took A…

This only came to my attention yesterday, and—as I'm a Simpsons fan and something of a sports enthusiast—I figured that if I hadn't seen it, most people likely hadn't. In 1995, the Simpsons did what has to be the best promo for the NFL on Fox—for any pre-game show—ever. It's not quite vintage, untethered Simpsons;…

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Jerry Jones Scratching His Nuts: Eagles-Cowboys, And Much Of Modern…

Dallas 38, Philadelphia 33: Peering down from the suite at the top of his shiny monument to excess, billionaire oil plutocrat Jerry Jones, insensitive to the fact that he might be on national television at that very moment, scratched his nuts, probably, or adjusted himself in some way. Awesome. Improbably, the…

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Jerry Jones Spoke To Reporters In Front Of A Big Naked Cowboy Ass

Jerry Jones likes to do his media scrum in the middle of the Cowboys' locker room—That's why he was so furious last week when he was locked out. But things went better yesterday, both on the field (a 38-23 win in Philadelphia) and with the press. Except for that little matter of an unidentified player getting…

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Jerry Jones Was Locked Out Of The Cowboys' Locker Room

The Cowboys lost last night, but that's not good enough to sate the bloodlust of fans who want them to lose spectacularly, or painfully, because Dallas used to be good 15 years ago. Tony Romo didn't cooperate, failing to turn the ball over even once, let alone at a crucial moment late in the game. Luckily for us, Jerry …

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