OK, so you’ve already learned about all the things we shoved inside ourselves last year. But what about our dangly bits? Rest assured, we punished them.
Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t turn water into wine or rise from the dead or even play the vast majority of the Euro 2016 final Portugal won last weekend. But he did hurt his knee and cry, which was apparently enough for his sister to compare him to Christ on the cross.
In last Sunday’s game between the Panthers and Seahawks, Carolina LB Thomas Davis did a very tough, gross thing.
Already deeply flawed and lacking the injured Jay Cutler, the Bears weren’t expected to do much against the Seahawks. Chicago managed to surprise, though, accomplishing even less than that.
This happened on some sort of Lithuanian talent show, and I very nearly broke out into a cold sweat while watching it.
A woman has been jailed on a charge of fraud after her husband, Jesus Christ, fooled her into ordering food she couldn't pay for at a restaurant.
Did you see that motherfucking kid? He knew he was getting first pick. Knew it.
Josh Hamilton claims he's been sober since October 2005. Since then he's rejuvenated his career, saved his marriage, devoted himself to Jesus, and become America's flawed, homer-derby hero. Last winter, while he was alone in Tempe, Arizona, Hambone kinda slipped.
Outlined against a blue-gray January sky, the Lone Horseman will ride again.
I didn't watch the Heisman Trophy presentation show (what's the point?) but I've been assured that Tim Tebow did in fact win. As a Gator fan of some 20 years I'm quite happy for Superman, but I'm not going to bludgeon you over the head with my homerism the way Tebow does with all of that god talk. Of course it's hard…
Finally, the protection you need to ward off Miroslav Satan during the power play. Or possibly for that problematic away game against the New Jersey Devils. Over at Christian Throwback Jersey.com, no sport is untouched by the power of Christ. In the basketball section, for instance, there are even models for LeBron…