“Once we’re in international waters, every woman on the ship gets to make love to whoever she wants,” Sean David Morton said, with a wink.
We wrote a lot of long stories this year that you probably didn’t have time to read. Now is your chance to get caught up.
Journalists are inherently sick fucks. Of course, we need to be—that’s how we get the news, and telling the stories of disadvantaged, voiceless people is just about the best reason to get into this racket. But there’s still something gross at the heart of the impulse to turn Tragedy into Content—even amazingly great…
I. "Hey Anna, do you like pizza?" I was just sitting down to dinner one evening this past November when I looked through some new Twitter notifications on my phone. My night, I realized regretfully, was about to get very, very stupid.
The nightmare revealer of madness unknown,
Of fetuses cooked for the Satanists' feast,
Old witches look on as a baby reveals,
A stretch of her leg to the lust of the Beast.
Chris Ballard went long on Kobe Bryant for Sports Illustrated and it's an illuminating look into the extent of Kobe's mania for winning. He values winning so much more than everything else, even being liked by his own teammates, that when asked to describe him in three words Steve Nash chose "mother fucking asshole."
The New Yorker, a magazine, has just opened its Internet "archives" (dating back to 2007) as a readers' jubilee in advance of its upcoming move to the world of paywalled journalism, three months hence. So much New Yorker to muck around in! So many words! So many stories! So many stories with so many words in them!
What if I told you that mozzarella sticks never had to end? That for $10, you could eat for free (for $10) for the rest of your natural life? That there exists a spot in the space-time continuum in which it is always Friday? That there are free refills on all Slushes™ excluding Red Bull® branded items?…
She hates looking at veins.
Here are the best longish stories we published this year. You probably didn't have time to read them the first time around, so take a a few moments now to dive into some of our best stuff.
Sometime in the late 20th century a naked man bent over, spread his ass and took a picture. Eventually that picture, known as Goatse, became one of the most venerable memes in internet history. Who is this man, and how did his ass take over the internet?
Surviving the apocalypse could come down to a single car chase, or a long war with mutant bikers. Sam Sheridan spent three years training for armageddon for his book Disaster Diaries: How I learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Apocalypse and explains how he learned to prepare with help from Hollywood's stunt drivers.
Grantland just dropped nearly 20,000 words from the great Brian Phillips on the Iditarod. If we said we had read it and it was great we would be lying, because reading it will take a couple hundred lunch breaks or so, but we can probably bet that it is great. The layout itself is beautiful. [Grantland]
"After thinking about it for a while, he says he realized what it was. 'That was the day that Nancy Grace's nipple popped out on TV,' he says. 'Her nipple popping out was what caused that home run'": Michael J. Mooney profiles a post-surgery Brandon McCarthy, whom he calls "the model of what we were told the modern,…
We aren't just dick jokes and cock shots. We also do our best to publish as much quality longform sports journalism as we can. Here are the best longish stories we published this year, many of which you probably didn't have time to read the first time around.
The Washington Post has a great profile on Jim Thorpe and highlights the legal battle being waged over his burial.
Greg Lindsay is the co-author of the forthcoming Aerotropolis: The Way We'll Live Next, which argues that air travel has a lot more to do with your daily life than you might think. In this outtake from the book, he describes how NASCAR teams took to the skies as the sport expanded nationally over the last decade.