WrestleMania Gets New Orleans Newspaper's Front Page

Today's New Orleans Times-Picayune features five pages of coverage of last night's WrestleMania at the Superdome—an event which managed to bleed over into the public consciousness more than usual, thanks in large part to the end of the Undertaker's streak. Still, it's odd to see wrestling get the front page of any… » 4/07/14 2:14pm 4/07/14 2:14pm

Red Sox Take Out Newspaper Ad Thanking St. Louis

You'll find this full-page ad in today's St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and it seems the Red Sox aren't done trolling everyone. "Your region, its people, and the entire Cardinals organization represent everything that's great about baseball." Damn it. We just spent a month breaking them down, and now Cards fans are going to… » 11/05/13 9:48am 11/05/13 9:48am

Maloof Family Thanks Sacramento In Newspaper Ad

Years of prayers were finally and officially answered: as of Friday, the Maloofs are no longer NBA owners. Sure, they drove the team into the ground, and sure, they did everything possible to sell the franchise to an owner who would move it from Sacramento, and sure, just two weeks ago George Maloof was hiding in a… » 6/03/13 10:26am 6/03/13 10:26am

Media Somehow Find Way To Sell Boring Story Of World-Famous Olympian…

You had to feel bad for the editors of America when they heard that Oscar Pistorius was suspected of the murder of his girlfriend. I mean, sure, Pistorius is one of the most well-known athletes in the world, long held up as an inspiring tale of overcoming adversity. And sure, his involvement in a violent and horrific… » 2/15/13 1:25pm 2/15/13 1:25pm

Confused Sports Columnist Doesn't Realize A-Rod And Ray Lewis Were In…

There were two big stories in the world of performance-enhancing drugs, both released on Tuesday. One involved Alex Rodriguez, Nelson Cruz, Melky Cabrera, and other baseball players being listed in the records of a shady clinic in Miami, Fla. The other involved Ray Lewis receiving a deer antler spray containing a… » 2/01/13 10:45am 2/01/13 10:45am

Derek Jeter: Fatty Fatty Boombalatty (Or Something)

That right there is Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter, fresh off the pancake buffet at a Miami hotel as he rehabs his surgically repaired ankle. Notice anything different? I mean, besides the layer after layer of disgusting subcutaneous fat, just bulging and drooping and oh god I'm going to be ill. Anyway, new cargo shorts, … » 11/30/12 3:25pm 11/30/12 3:25pm

T.J. Simers Believes UCLA Threw The Stanford Game, And Hijacked Jim…

UCLA already has the Pac-12 South clinched. Their opponent in the championship game would be either Stanford or Oregon, depending on whether the Bruins won or lost against the Cardinal on Saturday. Well, UCLA lost, 35-17, and they'll have their rematch in just four days. Where the rest of us see one of those quirks of … » 11/26/12 4:30pm 11/26/12 4:30pm

Kansas Newspaper Headline Aims For Optimism, Inadvertently Hits Comedy

We get it, Lawrence Journal-World. KU power forward Perry Ellis is just a freshman, and he's new to this. He's eventually going to figure out exactly what he's doing as the Jayhawks' starting power forward, but it wasn't like he was just pawing around in the dark during last night's loss to Michigan State. Just let him … » 11/14/12 1:45pm 11/14/12 1:45pm

The Philadelphia Inquirer's Story About Garrett Reid's Cause Of Death…

So Garrett Reid, the oldest son of Eagles coach Andy Reid, officially died of a heroin overdose, according to a coroner's report that was released today. This is not surprising, considering Garrett's history of drug abuse and Andy's own statement days after Garrett's death, which strongly implied this was the cause.… » 10/18/12 3:35pm 10/18/12 3:35pm

Cranky Columnist Writes Anti-Stats Column That Reads Like Parody Of…

Chaz Scoggins has been around. The longtime Lowell Sun writer has served as the Red Sox's official scorer for 34 years. He's been a SABR member for nearly as long. He even served as president of the BBWAA. But his hidden talent appears to be master satirist. How else to explain his weekend column, which could only be a … » 10/15/12 10:40am 10/15/12 10:40am

The Homers At The South Bend Tribune Launch An Embarrassing Heisman…

It happens every season in college football. Player A is primed to have a breakout season, and before long an earnest push for his Heisman candidacy has begun. Websites are started. Facebook pages pop up. Highlight reels get uploaded to YouTube. Members of the Football Writers Association of America start getting all… » 10/12/12 4:15pm 10/12/12 4:15pm

Joe Girardi's Father Died, And The New York Post Seriously Fucked Up…

Today the Yankees announced that manager Joe Girardi's father passed away. Jerry Girardi had been suffering from Alzheimer's disease for years, and this New Yorker article describes how Joe would make the six-hour drive to the nursing home in Illinois every time the Yankees traveled to Chicago. » 10/11/12 4:30pm 10/11/12 4:30pm