Remember last week, when Rick Reilly tried to pass off this stupid poem as a sports column? Since he's an adult who gets paid an exorbitant amount of money to write about sports, Reilly was rightly lambasted by most everyone who saw his poem. But we wanted to give Reilly's poetic skills a chance to stand on their own…

This morning, Rick Reilly published one of the worst "columns" we've ever seen. Now is as good a time as any to remind you that Reilly didn't always suck so bad. In fact, he used to be really, really good.

Winning after the first round at Augusta National is the boy tied for 46^th place: Tianlang Guan, the 14-year-old who as the youngest competitor in a major since 1865 sits just on the cut line at 1-over.

From time to time, former NFL star Jason Taylor has been known to say thoughtful and inspiring things on camera. This was not one of those times. Last night, Taylor was a guest on CNN's (Get To) The Point—a show about baby boomers attempting to perch themselves precariously yet gracefully on plastic stools—and he said …

Rick Reilly dropped by CNN tonight to talk about who-gives-a-shit, and for some reason elected to give a performance of vile human being/alleged musician Chris Brown's music. It went as well as you think it would!

Rick Reilly is re-upping with ESPN, reports Richard Deitsch. (You could say Deitsch had it first on Twitter.) No word on whether he got to keep his $2M+ annual salary. We're thinkin' no.

Let's do this line by line:

Sean gave Rick Reilly's column a thorough fisking earlier, but here's one more thing. Remember: The conceit is that these are Dennis Rodman's hypothetical reports from present-day global hot spots. Emphasis mine: