Harvard's Basketball Team Works Better Than Harvard

Sometimes Harvard Yard literally smells like bullshit. The grass takes a regular beating from the weather and the footsteps of mathematicians eager to find the shortest path to class. So, a few times a year, to spruce it up for the brochures and the visiting parents, the grounds crew gives it a fat coating of organic… » 3/22/13 3:21pm 3/22/13 3:21pm

The 13 Most Annoying Men Of March Madness

We've done enough loving on March Madness this week. March Madness is a wonderful time of the year, but it is also to be hated on: The fluffy mascots dancing around like they own the place, the pepped-out pep squads cheering like they actually believe in something, the crabby coaches, the clueless announcers, and the… » 3/21/13 11:20am 3/21/13 11:20am

Trinity's Obnoxious 13-Year Squash Winning Streak Is Finally Over,…

The longest and most annoying win streak in the history of college sports is finally over. The Yale men's squash team defeated Trinity College 5-4 last night, ending the team's 13-year, 252-match undefeated streak that will be remembered for reminding us, approximately once a year, that squash is a sport that people… » 1/19/12 11:55am 1/19/12 11:55am

A Day At Harvard-Yale And Its Tragic Tailgate

NEW HAVEN, Conn.—I could tell you about dropping by the Yale crew alumni tailgate on Saturday, and taking a shot of Jim Beam with a slice of prosciutto, but that's not the reason the Game's 2011 tailgate will forever be the Tailgate. We'll now call it the Tailgate because three women there got run over by a U-Haul,… » 11/21/11 4:40pm 11/21/11 4:40pm

Duke Basketball Made More Insufferable With Auto-Tuned "Duke Worldwide"…

Midnight Madness took place last weekend. Lots of people do insufferable things during Midnight Madness, and increasingly, they do those insufferable things on camera. This is no longer limited to a drunk sorority girl's iPhone filming from the upper deck, muffled by screams and excited shaking hands, because now… » 10/19/11 4:15pm 10/19/11 4:15pm

In Michigan, The Grandmas Shotgun Beers Better Than You

Who says you can never relive the glory days? Who says you can't do it at age 85, in a parking lot, wearing a pair of jorts and a Michigan Wolverines windbreaker as you inhale the contents of a Keystone Light Michelob Ultra in just under ten seconds? This is what dreams (and Cirrhosis) are made of, America. » 9/19/11 10:20am 9/19/11 10:20am

Maryland Athletics Requests That Students Refrain From Yelling "Fuck…

A few tipsters have passed along the mass email that Maryland's Athletic Director, Kevin Anderson, sent out to the entire student body some of the university's students yesterday. In it, Anderson requests that Maryland students refrain from "aggressive and offensive behavior," such as confronting 11-year-old football… » 9/13/11 12:05pm 9/13/11 12:05pm

Pac-12 Releases A Highfalutin Hype Video That Arizona State Students…

We've provided here the full transcription of the purplest and most thesaurus-dependent prose to ever grace a promotional video for a college football conference. College football is back, you guys. Let me rephrase that: college football is back with "an avant garde redesign of the competitive balance." That's… » 7/26/11 3:50pm 7/26/11 3:50pm

Dook Sisters Go To Court Over Who's Dookier

The daughter of a Duke alumnus has filed a lawsuit against her sister, her brother-in-law, and Duke University for her inherited right to sit among these fine young men and women at Cameron Indoor Stadium all season long. Katina Dorton is seeking damages for the "fraudulent transfer" of two season tickets that had… » 7/15/11 5:40pm 7/15/11 5:40pm