Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering canned fish, beards, celebrity wedding officiants, and more.
"Broooo, lookit the size of that sucker!" I imagine one of the Astros exclaiming when Sunshine the Albino Python was brought in the room. "Haha, you scared bro?" another one probably quipped. "Nuh uh! If Britney can rock one around her neck, so can I!"
This morning, two customers got into an argument over onions with an employee at a Saskatoon Tim Hortons, and one of the men immediately ended the argument by throwing a snake. Snake coming in hot!
A video file by the name of snakefucker.mp4 is making its way around Twitter today. As you can guess by its name, it's a video of a man apparently fucking a snake. If you want to watch the video—which, let's be clear, depicts what is almost certainly an illegal act of animal abuse—it is located here. If you don't want…
The Portland Trail Blazers discovered an unpleasant surprise in the AT&T Center locker room before Game 2 against the Spurs.
You shouldn't have looked the first time. We told you not to look, but you looked anyway. You shouldn't look this time, either. Because guess what? When you suffer the most horrific snake bite of all time, that shit is still going to look gross as fuck even after surgery. Disgusting NSFW photo after the jump.
Professional adventure stager Bear Grylls tweeted this photo earlier today: "our man vs wild producer suffering from a brutal snake bite - fighting the injury with courage." You really don't want to see the rest of this photo. It is not worth your lunch. Just don't click after the jump, and you don't have to see it.…
Big Daddy Lawler is a fellow who hosts an outdoors show every Saturday morning on a radio station in Thomasville, Ala. On his Facebook wall yesterday, Big Daddy posted a story and a photo from a reader named Chad, who on Sunday had been bitten by a rattlesnake. We've cropped the photo above, but you can see it below.
Yesterday's installment of Dan Le Batard's ESPN podcast featured a segment in which Le Batard is joined by Wizards guard Jordan Crawford. The ensuing conversation isn't anything special, save for this anecdote about Crawford's experience matching up against Kobe Bryant (transcription courtesy of DC Sports Bog):
This video, of a big-ass alligator eating a big-ass snake, comes from yesterday's round one action in the PGA Championship, at Kiawah Island. NBD. Happens all the time. Back in April at the Heritage Classic in Hilton Head, the gators were actually threatening the caddies. Gator Golf is not nearly as much fun as …
It's almost cruel, what an Australian farmer did: he put golf balls in his chickens' nests to encourage them to lay eggs. Does that work? Well, it fooled a coastal carpet python, who swallowed two of them.
Newspaper ledes you'll hopefully never see in America: "Fierce langur monkeys and snake charmers have been deployed at several Commonwealth Games venues across New Delhi to try to protect athletes and delegates from simian and reptile attack." [NZH](ViaTom Kolak)
Carroll hid a fake snake in the Gatorade cooler, and filmed the results. Credit where credit is due: getting large men to scream and hop around like girls will never not be funny.
Here's one thing we love about baseball: It doesn't matter how old you are; Little League, college, majors ... everything completely and utterly stops when someone sees a snake. You could be making millions of bucks; jaded, aloof, lawyered up and possibly juiced, and it doesn't matter. "Hey man, check it out! I heard…