Why Your Team Sucks 2015: Minnesota VikingsDrew Magary8/10/15 1:05pmFiled to: Why your team sucks 2015why your team suckswytsnflballs deepMinnesota Vikings27032EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkSome people are fans of the Minnesota Vikings. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Minnesota Vikings. This 2015 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.AdvertisementYour team: Minnesota Vikings. As I do every year, I must disclose in this preview that the Vikings are my favorite team, which means they are also my LEAST favorite team. This fucking team. To think that I’ve wasted YEARS of my life cheering on these goddamn losers. They don’t even have a cool uniform color. I’m fucking embarrassed.Your 2014 record: 7-9. And anyone who thinks this team is a playoff dark horse should be forced to watch this Vine on a loop until death has settled in:Trust me: You want nothing to do with this shitshow. Look at that goddamn play. Just the dumbest fucking way to lose. Not even Cleveland loses like this. That wasn’t even Minnesota’s worst loss of the season. I can’t grieve for these losses anymore. I just sit there, shake my head, and turn the TV off. I’m not angry, or sad. I’m just blank. Vacant. This is what the Vikings have done to me. I am devoid of emotion. I am a soulless wasteland of a man.And that’s just what happens ON the field with this team. I haven’t even gotten to the little-covered subplot to last season in which our best player whipped his kid’s balls, got exiled for a full season, and STILL DOESN’T THINK HE DID ANYTHING WRONG. He also did this:Oh, for fuck’s sake.AdvertisementAdvertisementKeep in mind that the Vikings were fully behind Peterson when his child assault allegations arose, only to do a 180° after the Radisson hotel chain threatened to pull its sponsorship. Join us this season when the team hands over play-calling duties to a particularly demanding manager at the Edina Wyndham.After Peterson was formally disciplined, he threw a shit fit, threatened to hold out, and spent months trying to get traded to Dallas so that Jerry Jones could grope him like a stewardess. Now he’s back, and do you know what the worst part is? I couldn’t be more delighted. I am fucking pumped. All that pouting and child abuse? Forgotten the second he breaks one for 30 yards. I already forgot that Peterson used charity funds last year to host orgies. I’m a garbage person. I deserve to have the rug pulled out from me yet again. I bet Week 2 will roll by and Harrison Smith will get charged for bombing a church or something.ShareTweet Kinja is in read-only mode. We are working to restore service.