1. Get Hit In Groin With Baseball, 2. Scream In Agony, 3. Profit

We now know the going rate for volunteering to be hit in the nuts by a pitching machine baseball: 1 million bucks. Not that Lhyvann Felipe volunteered, exactly. The unfortunate fellow, who was nailed in a batting cage while picking up baseballs, was awarded $1.2 million last week by a Miami jury consisting of five women and seven nervous, fidgeting, cross-legged men. Lhyvann got $160,000 for medical expenses and $1 million "for pain and suffering." That's what happens when you buy your pitching machines at the Shea Stadium auction.

Lhyvann Felipe, who was 19 years old at the time, was hit in the groin by a 60 mph pitch, said his attorney, Gabriel M. Sanchez. He was hospitalized several days later. The ball struck him after an employee asked him to go back into the batting cage to help pick up the balls.

When the machines defeat humans and finally take over, I would expect them to be robots, or possibly ATMs. I never would have guessed the pitching machines. Man Hit In Groin At Batting Cage Awarded $1.2 Million [USA Today] Batting Cage Machine With Mind Of Its Own Fires Ball Into Man’s Groin; Man Collects $1.2 Million [The Big Lead]