1st Round, Fifteenth Overall: Chiefs Select Branden Albert

Oh God. The Lions made a trade. Carl Peterson dangled a shiny object in front of Matt Millen, and now we all have to adjust. This Brandon Albert blog entry will be written in four styles: dense football scouting jargon, lyrically idiotic Jamie Dukes banter, Thomas the Tank Engine narration, and finally English.

Scoutspeak: Tall, thick specimen with long wingspan, wide base, well-formed bubble and knotty calves. Plays with high pad level but can mirror moves, bucket-step when zone blocking, and drop-and-pivot when pull/trap blocking. Good functional strength and finish but average punch and hand-fighting. Exceptional zink-flarb and good-to-moderately great munkus against defenders using vorm or yiballah moves. Dukes: Albert? Lemmee tell you about Albert. The young man can flat out play. Watch him here. Look out! He straight nailed that guy. Can he move? This kid played hoops in high school, and he could straight ball, people. You see him comin' and it's like, "Uh oh, here comes big ol' Albert, gonna get pancaked again, get out the maple syrup!" And don't call him Fat Albert, 'cuz he's 315 pounds of prime rib. Oh yeah! Thomas: Things were all topsy-turvy on the island of Sodor. Brandon, the new engine, was pushing all of the troublesome trucks about. "Stop it, now!" said James. "You'll ruin my fresh red paint." But Albert was a powerful steam engine with a cheeky disposition. "Look what I can do," he said, pushing some trucks through the buffers and into a large crowd of small children and senior citizens. The Fat Controller was cross. "You have caused confusion and delay," he said. Luckily, no one was hurt. English: Albert's a fine prospect with limited experience who started playing football late in life. He fills a need ... well several needs ... for the Chiefs, who used to have linemen named Shields and Roaf but now use guys named Svitek. One guess: Albert starts his career at guard, then slides to left tackle in a year or two. And reader Denny Crane pointed out that I had no Jon Stewart Green Lantern references in the Stewart post. How the heck did a Justice League fan like me make that mistake? Well, if there's ever a prospect named Michael Jon Carter, I am all over him.