2009 SHOTY Nominee: Josh Hamilton

I was in Las Vegas celebrating my father's 60th birthday when Daulerio called to tell me he had drunk pictures of Josh Hamilton. It made me angry. No one wanted to believe that.

Dad didn't look much happier. "AJ better know what the hell he's doing there." He did. We wish Hamilton all the best in his ongoing struggle with addiction, and marvel again how much different it looks when a professional athlete falls off the wagon than it does for the rest of us. When they do it, they take shots off the breasts off beautiful women. When we do it, we vomit on the Buck Hunter game and urinate ourselves.

Josh Hamilton Relapsed. Found defenders. Pleads human. Chilled in Jesusland.