Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• A-Rod takes a ball off his left ankle in BP, makes production of it. Derek Jeter says, "He got hit. He's always like that when he gets hit. He'll be all right." Joe Buck gets blamed. [New York Post]
• Fit Albert's first day at Redskins practice didn't go that well. Which is to say it went exactly like you thought it would. [ESPN]
• Fit Roger's last day on Commissionerrific Training Camp Tour didn't go that well, either. Visiting the Colts, he "was promptly peppered with questions from players about the uncertain labor situation." Fun fact: Goodell said he believes the Super Bowl will be held in Indianapolis on 02.05.12 but, "if not, we'll work on that." So he's got that going for him. [AP]
• The two finalists in Finland's annual World Sauna Championships were rushed to hospital before the competition ended Saturday evening and the Russian contestant died, organisers said. Note: I spell it with a "z" but proper sauna-speak use is "organisers." RIP, fallen Russian sauna hero. [AFP]
• "To the city of Cleveland, my fans in Cleveland, my fans in northeast Ohio," said LeBron James, "I want to say thank you for the last seven years and the years that continue to go in the future." Then he repeated the thank you to Cleveland a second time, as if for extra emphasis. And then, and only then, his PR handler caressed his shoulder, saying "There, there, that wasn't so hard, was it, Your Highness?" [AP, via cnnsi.com]
• There was apparently a compelling match at the big mixed martial arts event last night. [Los Angeles Times]
• Headline: Study supports argument that golf is a sport. Aw. How cute. [NYT via St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
• The world's greatest soccer coach has given his strongest indication yet that he would be interested in leading the U.S. national team. [Yahoo Sports] Meanwhile, David Beckham says he's not dead. [Boston Herald]
• And finally, from the Hickey's Biased Coverage Files ... Many a #tips email arrived with notification that Tim Tebow got a haircut yesterday. Hope that worked out well for him. Roll Tide. ... Does Donovan McNabb grow tired of the same stories being written about him year after year after year? ... A.J. Feeley is the MAN in St. Louis.
It's Sunday, and it's true we are immune when fact is fiction and TV reality.