First of all, I have indeed been to the Kentucky Derby (which is, like, a WHOLE other story, and I’ll never write it as well as Hunter S. Thompson, so just read his).
I watch it, and a number of races, every year.
I used to run the Derby pool at the New York Daily News.
Every first Saturday in May I make a mint julep (or three) and I yell at my TV for two minutes. Sometimes I win. Most often not.
So I like the thing, is what I’m saying. This is not me parachuting in on March Madness office brackets using “distance-from-the-geographical-center-of-the-U.S” or “which-mascot-could-eat-which?” to pick a winner in a sport I am not familiar with, nor care about. I like it. Am I some kind of expert? Oh, helllll naw! This is literally for entertainment purposes only.
But I can go up to the betting window and know what to do. And I can’t wait to get back out to a track after my vaccine kicks in next week. I won’t go to one of the big races just yet — like finally chalk up my first Preakness and complete my own Triple Crown — but I’ll probably meander over to Belmont on a rando Thursday afternoon soon enough.
And I will do some actual research before placing some of my bets today, but I will 100 percent bet these (below), too, and I’m not gonna look at anything other than the horses’ names, a picture of them, and their odds — which are unavoidable — in order to do so.
I already know there’s a gray horse and he’s the favorite, and that means he is RIGHT out of my “win” betting pool, because those are two things I simply will not brook in my personal handicapping. Your miles may vary.
So let’s talk about the rest in a couple of slides, and hopefully pick [me] a winner [, Bobby] …