Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

A Lively Discussion About Futuristic Bathroom Technology

The best urinals, really so remarkable.
Photo: Chris McGrath (Getty Images)

It is a sad fact of life: there are just more questions in the Funbag than there is time to answer them in the average Deadcast. All your horrible thoughts, your deeply considered curiosities about peeing and pooping, and NFL football, and peeing and pooping vis-a-vis Donald Trump—lost, like tears in rain. Except...

Except that, some weeks ago, Drew and I recorded an All Funbag Deadcast. This was dirty, unglamorous work, the two of us elbow deep in the bag’s tar-thick and reeking contents, but we pulled some gems out of there. There were actual sports questions touching on the NFL’s deep resistance to new statistics and new ideas and the relative merits of the NIT, and then there was the hardcore Funbag stuff: considerations of the ethical ramifications of spitting gum into a urinal, the politics of office birthday parties, and, straight-up, the puzzling and secretly complex question What Is Patriotism?

Things go sideways quickly and more or less stay there, unsurprisingly. Just because there were no questions about the idea of a professional miniature golf tour or exciting new advancements in urinal technology doesn’t mean that we didn’t spend a shocking amount of time discussing those things. We’ll go back to talking about things that are actually happening in the world next week, with no more discipline or focus than we brought to this, but the break from that norm was a bracing one. When the Funbag works, it works like this—by opening our minds to the fragrant and terrifying new possibilities that yours have birthed. To say that it raises our consciousnesses in turn would be inaccurate. To say that we enjoyed the experience would be an understatement.


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David Roth is an editor at Deadspin.

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