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A Mural Featuring Mike McQueary Tastefully Adorns Happy Valley Titty Bar

Illustration for article titled A Mural Featuring Mike McQueary Tastefully Adorns Happy Valley Titty Bar

Reader Jayme recently returned from a trip to the End Zone Club, a titty joint located in scenic Port Matilda, Pa., just 13 miles away from the Penn State campus. He files this report:

While golfing in the State College area this weekend with some friends, we happened to go the The End Zone, the only strip club in the area. Now, unlike most PA strip clubs that are BYOB, The End Zone has a separate room where you can drink (for free!). PA law prohibits full nudity and serving booze in the same establishment, so they circumvent the law by having technically two facilities, one is the strip club, one is the bar. They just happen to be attached and connected by one door.

In the bar area there is a 40-foot mural of a scene where a Penn State running back is scoring a touchdown while a bunch of other Nittany Lions look on. One of the Lions is a red-headed quarterback wearing a #9 jersey and holding a clipboard. Unfortunately I could only snap a photo of Mikey McQueary and not the whole mural. I was too afraid that the bouncers would see my camera phone and smash it/me.

It is my small hope that McQueary was such a frequent flyer that he needed to be immortalized on the wall. There is no date on the mural, and apparently the artist is a man by the name of Mad Dog.

On a side note, free shuttle service to and from the club. The good: no drunk driving. The bad: the shuttle is literally covered with The End Zone logo and pictures of girls, so anyone coming in or out of your hotel knows exactly where you are going. Classy!

There are many important things to note about this mural, which almost certainly was painted long before any of this Sandusky business came to light. First of all, those are some really long fingers. Secondly, I assume that, after this touchdown was scored, Mike McQueary shut a locker door loudly so that everyone knew he was there to witness it. Anyway, if you live in the Port Matilda area, do be sure to stop by The End Zone to get a cheap nutgrind and take in Central Pennsylvania's version of Guernica.

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