Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

A week of simple joys continues

The Bucs were dealt with sternly in Antonio Brown’s Tampa debut.
The Bucs were dealt with sternly in Antonio Brown’s Tampa debut.
Photo: (Getty Images)

We’ve all gotten to breathe a bit this past weekend. It doesn’t mean the weight of the world isn’t still turning all of our postures into a question mark, but for a brief moment, it did feel like we were getting more oxygen into our lungs and standing up straight without shooting pain. It’ll be important to hold onto that with whatever comes next, but it was a healthy reminder that things such as joy, relief, and hope can still be dug out of the deepest pockets of the bag and aren’t just things we hallucinated once.

Advertisement

It continued into Sunday night, as Antonio Brown, the latest shitbag the NFL granted re-entry to without much thought and then let Bucs personnel try and argue his football ability was the same thing as rehabilitation, made his debut with Tampa Bay just in time to be a part of them getting utterly fustigated by the Saints. As well, the Orangutan in charge’s fellow airheaded hedge fund fantasy, Tom Brady, threw the ball around like his right arm had been replaced by a dildo (it’s a theme this week), which only did the heart more good. Every time the Bucs look like they might actually be a threat, they get utterly thwacked or come up with some embarrassing loss in front of the nation’s eyes to make you remember that it’s still the Bucs, no matter how glossy the QB is or used to be. Every so often, people do get what they deserve, if only for a fleeting moment.

Sure, there’s plenty of shit-demons on the Saints, assuredly. We already knew Drew Brees is most certainly an idiot. But we don’t have to think too deeply about it right now. Just take the minor corrections in karma this weekend and harvest the spiritual proteins of them to make the coming days a little easier. Brady and Brown ending up on their ass on Sunday night football is chock full of them.

Advertisement


A note on maybe the worst penalty kick ever taken:

Fulham aren’t a particularly hateable club, unless you have something against Shahid Kahn and his mustache. It would be better if they were, as this point that Ademola Lookman cost them with this beer fart of an attempt is going to matter in their fight against relegation.

Lookman was going for the “panenka,” which is a soft chip over the keeper as he dives one way or the other. But you have to actually put more on it than simply waving your putter over the ball hoping that will provide the touch on a downhill putt, and you can’t give it away by sending your whole body into vapor lock before you make contact. Łukasz Fabianski in goal could have spotted this from space.

Advertisement

Lookman should probably be commended for attempting the ballsy option eight minutes into injury time in a bid to gain a draw his team desperately needed. Hell, Zinedine Zidane did the same thing in a World Cup final. Funny thing though, that’s Zinedine Zidane and this was Ademola Lookman.

But hey, for one moment we all want to be Zidane or Mays or Payton. Lookman took his moment, it’s just that it’ll stick with him for a very long time. Sometimes you find out exactly why you aren’t Zidane, Mays, or Payton.

Have you ever looked at a dollar bill, man?

Share This Story

Get our newsletter