would never hurt you, baby. You know that!

Hey bud, let's party: Look, we're not saying that Gina Carano is into women. We're just saying that she smacks them around for a living and then when she's done with that, maybe goes back to the hotel for some wine and a roll on the bed. You should not infer anything else from that previous statement. [Cage Potato] • Next time write a letter: A man named Charlie Engle ran across the Sahara Desert to raise awareness of people who die from dehydration while running marathons in 120-degree heat. [Palestra] • It's a lost cause: Bengals fans initiate Phase 2 of the Mike Brown Humiliation Project. The man owns the Bengals. Do you really think he has any shame left at this point? [Who Dey Revolution] • Ya think?: This just in—the people who give out baseball's season-ending awards often behave like boneheads. Sky blue, grass green, etc. [Bugs and Cranks] • Pride of the Serie A: Why have 41 former Italian soccer players developed Lou Gehrig's Disease? Maybe someone should ask the 41 Italian soccer players named Wallcenzo Pippuzzi. [Asylum] • Float like a butterfly, crack like a old vase: Would you pay $7,000,000 for a cast of Muhammad Ali? You could probably rent the real thing for half that price. [Steady Burn]