Though LeBron James has remained totally silent about his free agency plans, the tea leaves are there, if you're desperate and crazy enough to read them.
If you talk to the internet (and the internet always knows best), all the clues you need to decipher James's next NBA team are hiding in plain sight. We're going to make this a running compilation of easter eggs and theories, all seemingly pointing to one outcome. Let's go down the rabbit hole together.
Theory: LeBron is moving away from Miami and is sending his cars ahead of him.
Alternate theory: LeBron is moving his cars, just as he does every summer.
Theory: Miller, reportedly being courted by the Cavs, is signaling that LeBron will return to Cleveland.
Alternate theory: Miller took it down in disappointment upon learning that LeBron won't return to Cleveland.
Theory: He's going to announce his return to Cleveland on his website.
Alternate theory: Really fucking elaborate trolljob.
Alternate alternate theory: Dude was just lying.
Theory: LeBron intends to sign with Cleveland, which is close to Akron, Ohio.
Alternate theory: LeBron is a kid from Akron, Ohio.
Theory: The venue is decked out in Cavaliers wine and gold.
Alternate theory: The venue is decked out in Heat red and black.
But the DJ though: The photo was posted by DJ Steph Floss, the Cavs' in-house DJ.
Yeah I know but: DJ Steph Floss also does a lot of work for Nike.
Theory: LeBron, Irving, and Thompson intend to all be part of la Cavaliers familia.
Yeah but: They've all had "La Familia" in their Twitter bios for more than a year.
Counter-theory: They've always known.
Item: The original Wieden + Kennedy "What Should I Do" commercial for Nike from 2010, featuring LeBron responding to criticism for joining the Heat, has been set to private.
Theory: Dan Gilbert flew to South Florida to speak with LeBron.
Problem with theory: Dan Gilbert wasn't on the plane.
Counter-theory: Big Z might have been.
Item: LeBron listed his Miami home for sale in March.
Theory: LeBron knew back then he was going to leave Miami for Ohio, where he still has a mansion outside Akron.
Alternate theory: Athletes and humans look to flip their homes for profits all the time.
Alternate alternate theory: It was an April Fools' joke.
Sub-alternate metatheory: But was it really?
Theory: LeBron's website is preparing for the media crush when it reveals he's heading back to Cleveland.
Alternate theory: It's on a following binge without much rhyme or reason.
Theory: There is an 85 percent chance LeBron goes to Cleveland.
Alternate theory: Chris Broussard is pulling stuff out of his ass.
Everything else so far though: He's totally going to Cleveland.