ALL THEY NEED TO DO IS BOND OVER THESE CHEESY DOODLES

You might have thought that ESPN's Stephen A. Smith wisdom and expertise were limited to trying to cover his mistakes by lying or the " naming Web sites. But no. He is so much more versatile than that: Stephen A. not only understands Allen Iverson, he wants to be like George Clooney and go over there and solve that thing.

Yes — and we're not kidding here — the fine folks at CNN, desperately to fill weekend airtime, asked Stephen A. and other "radio personalities" to discuss the Middle East crisis, terrorism and homeland security. No: They really did this.

We don't have video, tragically, but we do have some transcripts. Here's our terror-filled world explained and solved, the Stephen A. way.

You have a lot of people out there looking saying all right, you know, Osama bin Laden, this is what he did. With 9/11 and what have you, but we're in Iraq. You understand? We're still looking for him. And we're looking at the Bush administration and I'm not casting aspersions on them saying we know definitely they lied about this that or the other. I'm saying that's the appearance that it gives, so you don't trust the leadership that is telling you ... this is what the problem is and that's what it's going to come down to. [Iraq] is a bloody diversion. I don't think there's any question about that. I'm APPALLED. There's a down side to it if we just get up and leave. Obviously, I agree with Senator Clinton, when she talked about there shouldn't be a definitive time date as to when we should leave. We should be working on leaving, but it shouldn't be a definitive time date. Like, we're leaving next week or we're leaving next month. But definitely I think we need to get out of there. I don't think it's a problem America can fix. The world has to be involved, but the people there have to be committed to fixing the problem.

Whatever your thoughts on Smith or the politics of the situation, please, PLEASE let this be the last time we ever hear Stephen A. Smith say the words "Obviously, I agree with Senator Clinton." Heavens. Though we hear Hillary does love cheese doodles.

WELCOME TO THE FUTURE TRANSCRIPT [CNN.com]