An Indian Offensive 'SPLOSION!

Illustration for article titled An Indian Offensive 'SPLOSION!

The Cavs victory wasn't the only thing Mistake by the Lakers celebrated yesterday while eagerly awaiting their next 23-cent pizza day. Grady Sizemore homered twice and drove in five runs to propel the Tribe to a 12-0 throttling of the Blue Jays. It's enough to get Indians fans off their ice cream helmet binges. The still-struggling Travis Hafner went 0-for-3 but he did get hit by a pitch. Just keep leaning into 'em like Roger Dorn, Pronk. Aaron Laffey pitched seven inning of scoreless ball to pick up his first win of the season.

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Orioles fuck with the DeJesus, still win: David DeJesus went 2-for-3 with a triple and scored two late runs, but Baltimore held on over KC thanks to a three-run homer by Kevin Millar (really?) in the 1st. The win marks the 12th straight win by the Orioles over the Royals.

That's a quality start: Kevin Millwood left with a strained groin after getting two outs in the 1st. I try to do that before the game starts, Kevin. The Rangers bullpen handled the rest. The A's snapped the Rangers 33-inning scoreless streak in the 3rd, but Texas picked up three late runs, two of which credited to the monster that is Keith Foulke, to earn the victory.

Winning Uggla: The Marlins continue to be one of the game's surprises this season while the Nationals, uh, do not. Dan Uggla drove in five runs and Andrew Miller pitched seven inning of two-hit ball to down the Nats 11-0. There's always Five Guys to soothe your sorrow, Nats fans. Mmmmm, cajun fries.

Mad Old Dog Collects Meaningless Milestone:: Greg Maddux picked up his 350th career win, becoming one of nine pitchers ever to do so, in a Padres' 3-2 win over the Rockies. Next up on the list: Roger Clemens at 354. Better start juicin'!