Excuse us if this is off the subject a little bit ... but just take a guess at how much we can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400! Ha!

We went to one of those obedience places once ... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts. We'd hate to go on a date with Judge Edie Franklin and have her judge us, that'd be no fun.

If you think it would be be cute if he wore a Sherlock Holmes hat and had a little pipe, you're ready to become a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how to become one.

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