Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•LeGarrette Blount could be reinstated by Oregon, in another example of a team overreacting to morning-after headlines then backing down when it's out of the news. Or maybe Blount just beat up Chip Kelly until he let him back on.
•Hockey kicked off the season last night, with early favorites San Jose and Boston getting blown out. But Toronto lost too, so at least we know we're not in the bizarro NHL.
•Big surprise: Kimbo Slice is likely to find his way back on The Ultimate Fighter. MMA fans, he's not going to go away unless you stop watching his shows and buying his PPVs.
•Brett Favre says that although Brett Favre would love to beat the Packers on Monday night, Brett Favre isn't motivated by a desire to get revenge on the team that Brett Favre feels mistreated Brett Favre. Where's my Guiness world record?
•Here's a great analysis of the NCAA's new rules regarding letters of intent. They're more ironclad now, so recruits are stuck with their school forever, or until they jump to the NBA after one year. Or to Europe right away. Whichever comes first.
•14-year-old Alexis Thompson is one stroke off the lead at the LPGA Classic. To put that in perspective, that slacker Michelle Wie was in kindergarten when Thompson was born.
•Here's an amazing bowling shot. I did this once, but it was accidental. Also, the people in the next lane weren't nearly as excited as I was.