FunbagTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? [Email the Funbag](   


So I'm a high school senior graduating in less than 3 months. I'm an average-looking kid, nothing special but not ugly or really fat or deformed or anything. I'm friends with girls, have a nice group of guys friends, party etc.- not a loser by any stretch of the imagination, but I've never gotten past making out with a girl and feeling her up.

Never taken a bra off, never gotten a hand job, never gotten a beej, and obviously never had sex. I've also never hooked up with a girl who was sober.Does this make me a massive failure in high school? Is this going to cause issues for me entering college next year? I'm going to a big state school next year. Can I handle things without much experience in college or am I gonna get laughed at?

You're not a failure. Sometimes it just doesn't happen for people in high school. And when that happens to a guy, it can fuck with his head. You longer you go without losing it, the more you press, which makes it all that much harder to get laid. Take it from someone who didn't lose his virginity until age 20: It's an AWFUL cycle. Men put so much pressure on themselves to CRUSH vaginas that it destroys them to see everyone else getting laid except for them. You feel like a complete fucking failure. I remember hearing about friends hooking up with girls and being like, "How did you DO that? What is so wrong with me that I can't do likewise?" Every rejection just sends you further and further into the abyss.


The number one reason most men are successful with women is confidence. But you can't be confident until you have success with women, and that's really, really annoying. The only way around this is for you to develop confidence in something OTHER than picking up women. Are you good at playing the banjo? Do you have a love for high jumping? Interested in starting a hemp smoothie business? Do THAT. Forget women for a moment and just focus on that other thing. Get confident in that one field and a girl will see you being confident and say, "Boy, he sure looks like a confident young buck! But he's always playing that banjo. I'll distract him with my HEWGE BEWBS." And suddenly, you've got yourself a ladyfriend. Get confident in one thing, and that will lead to you being confident in MANY things. Then it's Trim City for you.

Don't be hard on yourself for not pulling off some kind of stupid American Pie-style virginity loss pact before leaving high school. People who have awesome lives in high school go on to become cashiers and hobos. It's the late bloomers who win out in the long run. The less you worry about it, the more likely it is to happen for you. NOW START YOUR BANJOING.


Let's get into the Funbag below.

Drew Magary writes for Deadspin and Gawker. He's also a correspondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter @drewmagary and email him at You can also order Drew's new book, Someone Could Get Hurt, through his homepage.