albertburneko Page 14 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Player Rankings In ESPN And <i>SI</i>'s 2017-18 NBA Player Rankings, Ranked
1. 90 - Patrick Beverley, Clippers (SI)2. 14 - Rudy Gobert, Jazz (ESPN)T-3. 26 - Kevin Love, Cavaliers (SI); 26 - Kevin Love (ESPN)5. 75 - Dennis Smith, Jr., Mavericks (ESPN)T-6. 16-22 - Gordon Hayward, Celtics; Damian Lillard, Blazers; Mike Conley, Grizzlies; Kyle Lowry, Raptors; Klay Thompson, War...
Have A Nice Hot Cup Of Herbal Tea
Shit sucks, right now. Pretty much all of the news is so bad that it’s almost, but not, funny. You can’t even fall back on sports right now! This week I am conducting myself on the internet like a wayward pedestrian forced to traverse Murder Alley, neck stiff, the plane of my face at a perfect right...
Giancarlo Stanton Will Not Be The Home Run King Until He Hits 74 Home Runs
In all likelihood, at some point in the next few weeks Giancarlo Stanton of the Miami Marlins will bash his 60th home run of the 2017 season. It’s not out of the question that he will find time to bash two more and surpass the 61 dingers Roger Maris famously hit in 1961, when he broke Babe Ruth’s lo...
So Your Spouse Wants To Bring Sushi Casserole To The Party
What do you do if your spouse, an amateur and not very skilled cook, makes a disgusting and possibly lethal “sushi casserole” and sets his or her heart on bringing it to and serving it at a large, fancy social event, where it almost certainly will meet with humiliating public rejection?...
The Republican Party Is Building The Electorate That Will Keep It In Power<em></em>
The Trump administration is moving ahead with its retraction of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) immigration policy, which allowed people who’d immigrated to the United States as children the opportunity to receive work permits and two-year deportation deferrals. This is horrible, b...
It's Time To Spend A Few Weeks Telling Yourself You Like Fall<em></em>
The air is crisp and cool, the sky streaked with low, scuttling, ragged clouds, heading out of town in a hurry, like seasonal tourists. In quiet moments you can hear a crow. Somewhere in your immediate surroundings, should you care to look for it, is a spiderweb. They’re everywhere right now, spider...
Don't Ever Be This Guy
That’s ABC News chief national correspondent and World News Tonight anchor Tom Llamas up there, live from flood-devastated Houston, with what I’m pretty sure is the worst tweet in history. Holy fucking shit, man. ...
Floyd Mayweather, Jr. Works The Marks Again<em></em>
“In the end,” tweeted the Times’s sports Twitter account, in the aftermath of Floyd Mayweather, Jr.’s 10th-round TKO of UFC star Conor McGregor,“McGregor didn’t have enough stamina to beat the world’s best boxer.”...
Great Googly Moogly, Nolan Arenado Made One Hell Of A Play On This Chopper
Holy smokes, get a load of this full-extension snag and throw by Rockies third baseman Nolan Arenado, to snatch a hit away from Kansas City’s Alcides Escobar in the third inning last night:...
Pfft, "Solar Eclipse," Big Deal
Apparently many of the youths are very excited about a “solar eclipse” today. The moon’s transit will carry it directly between the sun and the earth in the skies over the United States, where, along a certain corridor of geography, it will obscure the sun’s rays completely for a little while. I sup...
Everything Is So Bad
I don’t think Donald Trump really is a Nazi, in the same way and for the same basic reasons I don’t think he’s really a Confederate apologist, or a Republican, or a Russian operative, or anything. Honestly, even his white supremacism is a second-order thing, an artifact of the coincidence that he, h...
What's The Deal With Bill Simmons And Casey Wasserman?
Bill Simmons’s website and podcast have been a bit ... Casey Wasserman-y this year, haven’t they?...
Cumin Is Good
Many people are saying, “Huh. Cumin. I do not think I have any particularly strong good or bad feelings about that spice.” They can go to hell! Cumin is not a spice for mild opinions. It is a fuckin’ great spice....
I Am Beginning To Think Jared Kushner May Not Be A Devious Mastermind After All
One of the persistent and hilarious myths of the Trump administration—along with “He’s flailing around like a spastic toddler on purpose to distract you from Russia!”—has been the narrative of Jared Kushner: Machiavellian Trump Whisperer. It’s one of the few things Donald Trump and his critics seem ...
Awful Hell-Person Dave Bliss Has Another Basketball Coaching Job
Former Baylor basketball coach and indescribably terrible scumbag Dave Bliss, just about as awful a sports human as has not (yet!) been found to have constructed a murder dungeon in his basement, has landed another basketball coaching job. As reported by the Las Vegas Review-Journal, he has been hir...
The Chris Paul Problem Is An Analytics Problem
In broad terms, the Chris Paul Problem—there is one!—is as follows: Pretty much everybody agrees that Paul is, and has been for the past decade, one of the NBA’s best players. He made nine straight All-Star games from 2008 to 2016; he has made eight All-NBA teams and nine All-Defense teams; he is th...
John McCain Is A Man Of (A) Principle<em></em>
The Vietnam stuff really did happen; he really did the Vietnam stuff. Shattered and crumpled and beat to shit, starving, John McCain really did decline an arbitrary offer of early release from foreign torture prison; he really did choose what turned out to be four more years of torture and suffering...
Just What In The Damn Hell Is Kyrie Irving Thinking?
Maybe we will come to learn that actually, LeBron James is Hannibal Lecter. Or Charles Manson. Maybe he sits his teammates in a solemn circle in the locker room and passes around a jug of his own hot piss for them to drink, as a test of their personal loyalty and devotion. Maybe he is Donald Trump. ...