albertburneko Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Wizards Have The Saddest Problem
The Washington Wizards have, in John Wall, the best player—by a mile!—in their playoff series against the Atlanta Hawks. At pretty much any given moment, they have the better player at three of the five positions on the court. They have home-court advantage. And they’re in grave trouble, at least i...
Get A Load Of The<i> Washington Post</i> Toting Water For Dan Snyder's Upcoming Stadium Scam
Nothing in this fawning Washington Post profile of Bruce Allen, team president of D.C.’s NFL franchise, would seem so much as a hair out of place in a glossy gameday program handed out by team employees inside the home stadium. To the extent it contains a thesis more complex than Bruce Allen is good...
The Atlanta Hawks Are The Sorriest Fucking Losers In The History Of The Universe
Give credit to soft, washed, buster-ass piss-baby Paul Millsap, I suppose, for successfully whining this series into unwatchable whistle-ball, for that is all he accomplished. Despite the referees doing everything short of hogtying D.C.’s frontcourt on his behalf, his Hawks, entering the final days ...
I Just Love This Juicero Story So Much
Of all the amazing sentences and couplets and paragraphs in this wonderful Bloomberg story about the troubles of a juice and juice-press technology company called Juicero Inc., I think the following is my favorite:...
Hang Up A Bird Feeder Where You Can See It
Happiness, who knows. Joy, jeez, that’s a whole frickin’ thing. I will never have even the faintest idea about deep personal fulfillment. But you can make the minute-by-minute drudgery of life a little better. You can hang a bird feeder near a window, and fill it with birdseed, and have some pretty ...
A Very Timely And Comprehensive 2017 NBA Playoffs, Uh, "Preview," Part 2
Good afternoon, basketball viewers! It’s time for the second part of our very on-time and definitely not late at all 2017 NBA playoffs preview blog post. Here’s what you need to know about the first-round series that are scheduled to begin today, presented in the order the games will start....
A Very Timely And Comprehensive 2017 NBA Playoffs, Uh, "Preview," Part 1
Hello fellow sports enthusiasts! It’s that time again: World Art Day. But also, the NBA playoffs, the best* postseason tournament of all, begin today. Another thing that began today: My work on this playoff preview blog! Let’s run down the first-round series that are starting this afternoon: the sto...
If You Love Something, Set It Free
A truly heartwarming moment from mixed martial artist Maritza Sanchez, via Twitter:...
Actually, Moe Harkless Is The MVP
With 11:46 remaining in the third quarter of the game way back on April 3 between the Portland Trail Blazers and the Minnesota Timberwolves, Blazers forward Moe Harkless received a pass from Damian Lillard in the right corner, rose to shoot, and rattled in his third three-point basket of the night. ...
The Miami Heat Are Probably Screwed, And That Sucks
Tonight, the last night of the NBA’s regular season, will settle the Eastern Conference’s seventh and eighth playoff seeds, the last two unsettled spots in the postseason. The Miami Heat, currently sitting in ninth thanks to tiebreakers, can claim one of those spots, technically, but almost certainl...
Show Us The Pets
Hello. The internet says that today is National Pet Day, the day for pets. Bring forth the pets!...
The Corporation Does Not Always Have To Win
As you’ve surely* seen by now, the big story of the day has to do with viral videos of some confusing group of United Airlines security and/or cops—it doesn’t matter, they’re all The Man—violently dragging a ticketed passenger out of his seat and off an overbooked Sunday flight. A computer had rand...
We're The Only Ones Who Can Stop This War
A couple of weeks ago, despite their party controlling the entire legislative pipeline, the Republicans’ effort to unravel and replace the Affordable Care Act—a movement-defining initiative they’d been promising for over seven years—collapsed after a mere 17 days, without ever coming up for a formal...
The Ringer's Mike Lombardi Claims Seven Insights Into Good Quarterbacks, Actually Has None<em></em>
Michael Lombardi is a former football executive with the San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles, Oakland Raiders, and Cleveland Browns; now he writes a football column for his good buddy Bill Simmons’s website The Ringer. If you would like to know why he failed in the former career, look no furthe...
Magic Forced To Reassure Aaron Gordon Over Dumb, Embarrassing Whiteboard Trade Idea
What do you suppose Orlando Magic head coach Frank Vogel and, uh, star(?) forward Aaron Gordon talked about today, at their meeting—reported by the Orlando Sentinel’s Josh Robbins—about the sudden viral-photo-sparked rumor that the organization might be hoping to trade Gordon for Philadelphia 76ers ...
What Year Is It?
What the hell is going on, here? I thought the show about the guys breaking out of prison ended like eight years ago. Now I am seeing commercials that are all like This Tuesday ... [grim men looking at each other through chain-link fence] ... on Fox ... [sooty-faced men being serious] ... you can ne...
Wizards Mad Because, Mew Mew Mew, The Warriors Kicked Their Asses Too Hard
God, this is so fucking embarrassing....
What Does Mike Pence Think Happens At Restaurants?<em></em><em></em>
Here is a deeply weird thing:...
God Help Me, I Don't Like The New <i>Legend Of Zelda</i> Game
Breath of the Wild, the latest installment in Nintendo’s beloved Legend of Zelda series, has received basically universal acclaim since its release back at the beginning of this month. If the still-early reception were to crystallize today, it would go down as one of the most widely and ecstatically...
Wait, Let's Clown These Scrub-Ass Doofuses Some More
Seventeen days. That’s how much stamina flinty-eyed deal master Donald Trump, sober policy knower Paul Ryan, and all the Republican Party had for a health care overhaul they’d been promising for seven years, before the work of negotiating amongst themselves overwhelmed them and they retired to their...