albertburneko Page 22 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Counterpoint: Dying Is (Probably) Okay
My smart colleague George Dvorsky over at Gizmodo published a defense of “radical life extension” this morning. This is a largely pseudo- or quasi-scientific pursuit favored by billionaire parasite Peter Thiel (among others), based upon the idea that, essentially, death is a pathology rather than a ...
<i>SI</i>'s Peter King: I Like To Eat Diarrhea, It's Good, Mmm, Gimme That Hot Diarrhea With Onions
Here is Peter King, a face drawn on the side of Roger Goodell’s hand, telling you two ways that he likes to eat diarrhea. He likes to eat diarrhea on top of spaghetti with onions and cheese, and he likes to eat diarrhea on a hot dog, also with onions, but with no mustard....
I Killed My Own Book Proposal By Blogging About A Sad Flopsweaty Douchebag Clown
Sometimes people ask me why no Foodspin book exists. I have never told them why. The answer is very embarrassing!...
More Pop Songs Should Have Horns In Them
Many pop songs have guitars in them. Ditto drums and piano and synthesizers. Fine! That’s fine. I am not here to take your guitars and drums and pianos and synthesizers away. I am just here to say, more pop songs should have horns in them....
A Pretty Good Theory Of Donald Trump
Donald Trump is Max Bialystock. Let me explain....
All The Olympic Sports Should Be Outdoors
“Indoors” does not care what the season is. Seasons do not exist indoors. That is the whole reason we have indoors. When you stick a seasonal specifier like “Summer” or “Winter” in front of your event, your event has to take place in that actual season, which is outdoors. That is science. Therefore ...
Virginia Tech Basketball Coach Is A Purveyor Of Dank Memes
Today, Virginia Tech men’s basketball coach Buzz Williams tweeted (and then deleted) the above meme, which a) is very perplexing, in terms of what it means, but also b) fucking rules so hard....
How To Get A Piano (Like For Your Spouse, Say)
So you’ve decided to get a piano! For yourself, or for, say, the piano-loving Target worker who gave up her lifelong piano access when she moved to Mississippi to live with you as your wife. I think this is a fine choice! Pianos are lovely. Let’s talk about some good and bad practices for acquiring ...
Remember When Bill Simmons Wrote A Bunch Of Bullshit About O.J. Mayo And Kevin Love?
O.J. Mayo received an at-least-two-year ban from the NBA today, for repeat violations of the league’s anti-drug program. This is not exactly important news for the NBA, because O.J. Mayo is busted and terrible and probably was on a plane to China when the decision was made anyway. However, it’s an o...
Sam Hinkie Still Has No Idea What He's Talking About<em></em>
The laughs arrive early in this longform profile of former Philadelphia 76ers general manager Sam Hinkie, by ESPN Mag contributing writer Jordan Brenner, beginning with the headline: “The man who just can’t win: Sam Hinkie (finally) speaks.” Specifically, I like the parenthetical “finally,” not-so-s...
Sports Drafts Are Immoral And Bad
The Sacramento Kings came in for even more derisive laughter than the baseline occasioned by any mention of their existence yesterday when ESPN’s Chad Ford posted the following in the little quasi-Twitter scroll thing on the right side of the Worldwide Leader’s busted website:...
Is LeBron The Greatest Of All Time Now?
Three weeks ago, if you had told me that you thought LeBron James was the greatest basketball player of all time, I would have done the annoying thing where I scrunch my face up and pantomime comparing weights on my hands and go Ehhhhhhhhh and launch into an intolerable disquisition about pure baske...
Kevin Love Is A Goddamn Hero
The Warriors knew exactly which matchup they wanted, after Kyrie went Steph in Steph’s face to put the Cavaliers up three with less than a minute to play in last night’s mind-blowing Game 7. They didn’t call a timeout to talk about it. They didn’t give Tyronn Lue a chance to make a substitution. The...
Draymond Green Is An Asshole
“Golden State’s reliance on an unstable isotope is a high-stakes gamble that has finally blown up in their face,” FreeDarko founder Bethlehem Shoals writes for GQ re: Draymond Green’s Game 5 suspension for whacking LeBron James in the dick and balls. “The degree to which Golden State depends on Gree...
The Finals Are Butt And I'm So Mad At The Cavs
First things first: They get no credit for making the Finals. LeBron James could win three playoff series in the East with any four Supreme Court justices as his running mates. Account for that, and what have these bozos contributed to the effort?...
Should Intent Matter When A Lousy Player Whacks A Guy In The Dick And Balls?
For my money, the strangest moment of last night’s lopsided NBA Finals Game 1 came just after Cavaliers guard Matthew Dellavedova whacked Warriors forward Andre Iguodala in the dick and balls....
An Extremely Helpful NBA Finals Preview For Basketball Morons
Hello, casual basketball viewer! The NBA Finals begin tonight, pitting LeBron James’s Cleveland Cavaliers against Ayn Rand’s Golden State Warriors in a rematch of last season’s Finals, which the Warriors won in six games. Here’s what to expect, what to look for, and what to pretend to know about eac...
The Golden State Warriors Will Win The NBA Finals
Draymond Green is bad. Steph Curry is Chucky Atkins. No matter. Klay Thompson is a blank-eyed three-shooting robot from space and no one will ever stop the Warriors. I’ll die before they lose again. Burn in hell, Oklahoma City Thunder....
The Thunder Are What's Wrong With The Warriors
So every frontrunner’s favorite twee basketball unicorns, the Golden State Warriors, the best regular-season NBA team of all time, got duffed by a combined 52 points in two blowout losses in Oklahoma City by the Thunder, previously every frontrunner’s favorite twee basketball unicorns. This was the ...
Russ And KD Are Running Things Now
Yes, for sure, the Oklahoma City Thunder made tactical adjustments that helped them in Game 3. They went small early, with Andre Roberson at power forward, rather than going huge, as they had in the first two games; they used Roberson as a screener instead of parking him in the corner where the Warr...