albertburneko Page 25 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
If The Oscars Nominated Good Movies, They Wouldn't Be The Oscars
For 363 days a year, nobody gives a fuck about the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Today is one of the two remaining days, when suckers care—and other suckers pretend to care—about who gets nominated for the Oscars, which are worthless trash and always have been....
Peter King Sounds New Depths Of Stoogery With Open Letter To NFL Players
For all the danger they purport to identify in the world, conspiracy theories, at bottom, are comforting. They’re orderly and symmetrical and closed, like a square dance, matching participants 1:1 to malign intents and thus to culpability. Either you are in the conspiracy by cynical choice and sinis...
The Bucks Are A Big Fuckin' Bummer
In our NBA season preview post, published, uh, a couple hours after the NBA season began back in October, I wrote the following about the Milwaukee Bucks:...
Those Jamokes In Oregon Aren't Terrorists, They're Jamokes
The American political lexicon has an appropriate word for the armed men conspicuously loitering in part of Oregon’s Malheur National Wildlife Refuge instead of going home. It is not terrorist or militia or occupation or revolution or movement or front or army or resistance. The word is jamoke. “Get...
You Know Who Should Run For President? George Pataki
I mean, if the guy could get elected governor of New York as a Republican, he could be a heckuva candi—...
Kobe Tried To Rip Jeremy Lin's Head Off!
You know that uncomfortable moment when you discover that what you’d thought was all fun and games was actually deadly serious for one guy, and all of a sudden shit’s all weird and fraught? Kobe Bryant is that guy. Last night he turned a silly little tug-of-war over a two-for-one opportunity into th...
The PEDs Debate Is Over
By the time Al-Jazeera America’s The Dark Side: Secrets of the Sports Dopers finally aired last night, it felt like an afterthought. That’s partly because The Huffington Post’s Saturday report on the documentary’s claims—most notably, that Peyton Manning has been an illicit consumer of human growth ...
The Worst Man On Facebook Ruined <i>Star Wars</i>
Penn Holderness, professional, uh, person who makes his family help him ruin pop music tracks on YouTube, is bad. His videos are bad. His hair is bad. “All About That Baste” is the absolute worst thing I have ever seen in my life. Everything about him is bad. Bad bad bad. Also, he (allegedly) big-ti...
Fuck Off, Lindsey Graham
Lindsey Graham announced the end of his campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination this morning. Don’t worry! He wants you to know that he still believes in his plan to wage needless war on a distant millenarian death cult whose lifeblood is the Western antagonism that certifies its ri...
Kobe Dunked On A Guy!
The bad Lakers played the occasionally less bad but somehow no less depressing Rockets last night in Los Angeles. I know, I know: Buhhhhh. But hey, Kobe Bryant did something!...
Can Steph Curry Dunk?
According to the invaluable Basketball-Reference, Steph Curry has scored via dunk 15 times in his NBA career. And so one might say that the answer to the question up in the headline of this blog is, “Yes, of course he can dunk, you fool. He has dunked, he is capable of dunking, he can dunk.” In fact...
Michael Jordan's Ghost Is Retiring, At Fucking Last
This will be Kobe Bryant’s final season. He announced it yesterday, and the news made me think, instantly, of Michael Jordan. The last, greatest, and most devoted of his followers is passing; it’s the latest and most final-seeming of his many deaths, the destruction of his last on-court horcrux. Do ...
Bobby Jindal, Obsequious Twerp, Simpers The Fuck Out
Bobby Jindal will no longer pursue the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. He also will not pursue Alpha Centauri, or growing a second head out of his left shoulder, or the Elder Wand. Dogs will not shoot lasers from their eyes. The sun will not be a showerhead that sprays grapefruit juice. Man...
We're The Staff Of Deadspin. Let's Chat.
It’s Friday and we’re mostly blogged out. We’re hanging out down in the discussion section below, ready to take your questions about whatever....
Oh Shit! Maybe Krapsnaps Bazingas Is A Beast?
When was the last time a Knicks lottery pick inspired as much excitement as Latvian giant Krapsnaps Bazingas, this past summer’s fourth overall pick? Can you recall? I can’t. Probably that is because the last truly excellent player the trash-ass Knicks took in the lottery was Patrick Ewing, 30 years...
The Only Rule Is Refusal: A Song For Rand Paul
By the end of last night’s debate, Rand Paul had been reduced to smirking and reciting the Real Fiscal Conservatism rulebook—You can’t spend trillions on the military and be a real conservative, so are you a real conservative?—like a five-year-old who’d caught a playmate in the irreconcilable though...
The T-Wolves Clobbered The Hawks And Slap-Happy Jeff Teague
It had been a long and frustrating sequence for Jeff Teague. He’d had his shot blocked twice by terrifying rubber giant Karl-Anthony Towns. The refs had missed a possible eight-second violation on the Timberwolves. Andrew Wiggins hit a crazy and-one. A tie game had become a six-point deficit with a ...
Timofey Mozgov Hit First Cleveland Three-Pointer
Timofey Mozgov is strongest, also largest. Mozgov dunk; Mozgov rebound; Mozgov block shot. But Mozgov is not oaf! Mozgov have skill. Mozgov shoot three!...
Big Fat Fabulist Ben Carson's West Point Story Is Bogus
Republican presidential candidate and hip-hop impresario Ben Carson is full of beans. Possibly he is as much as 82-percent beans! His tales of youthful violence keep changing, his Mannatech disavowal was bogus on its face, and now his story of receiving a full scholarship to the U.S. Military Academ...
Larry Lessig Was Running For President, Now Isn't
Larry Lessig is a Harvard professor, campaign finance reform activist, and attorney; he is not seeking the Democratic nomination to the 2016 presidential election. That last bit is new, as of yesterday: He was seeking the nomination before that—didn’t you know?—and now he is not. Baby shoes, never w...