albertburneko Page 28 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear
Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having done so, and for the rime of authority it will lend to your future haughty pronouncements on the quality of others’ briskets. Do it because brisket—a massive cut of tough working musc...
Put Peas In Your Guacamole If You Want To
Once upon a time, sure as you are born, some dingus was all, “Onions?!?! In your guacamole?!?! You motherfuckers!”...
Cats: They're Bad
You walk into a cat house and you know it right away: A crazy person lives here. No amount of vacuuming, air-freshening, laundering, or outright bleaching will banish the insidious juniper reek of feline; a cat house smells like a cat house, and for this we can be grateful, because it lets us know n...
Some Guy Says He Won't Play For The Sixers Next Season
Croatian forward Dario Šarić has informed the Philadelphia 76ers that he will not play for them in the 2015-16 season. Neither will Karl-Anthony Towns, Tom Brady, or Barack Obama. After much deliberation, I too have decided not to join the Sixers in 2015-16....
Father's Day Gifts, Ranked
Hey, Father’s Day is on Sunday! Wait, you are saying, suddenly even more sweaty, confused, and anachronistic than usual—aren’t we in April? Aren’t we in April of 2013? No, we are not in April of 2013. We are in June of ... [fumbles with phone for five embarrassing minutes] oh, wow, 2015! that’s bana...
Man Grilling Guinea Pig In Prospect Park Is A Hero
On Saturday morning, an emergency call about squirrel abuse sent police to Brooklyn’s Prospect Park. When the officers arrived, they found not the brutal torture of a park squirrel, but what you see above: a happy Ecuadorean man, toasting a guinea pig on a wooden pole beneath sun and sky, free and b...
Draymond Green Is Killing The Warriors
After the Warriors seared the exhausted Cavaliers in overtime of Game 1, our own Kevin Draper wrote a smart piece about how Draymond Green’s versatility enables Golden State to use him as the center in a terrifyingly fast and rangy small-ball lineup. “When the Warriors play small they’re unstoppable...
Story About The Lifecycle Of NBA Basketballs Is Entertaining As Hell
ESPN’s Baxter Holmes has a long, thoroughly entertaining piece about the lifecycle of an NBA basketball, pegged to the Finals. I’d urge you to go check it out, but it’s almost unreadable on the Worldwide Leader’s overbusy nightmare of a website; it’s like they printed it in 11-point font on the surf...
J.R. Smith Has The NBA By The Shoelaces
Hello again, casual basketball fan! The NBA Finals begin tonight. The heavily favored Golden State Warriors will face the Cleveland Cavaliers; league MVP Steph Curry and rising star Klay Thompson will take on the immortal LeBron James and whiz-kid Kyrie Irving. The Warriors will seek their first tit...
Suburban Northern Virginians' 46 Worst Fears
Yesterday, a New York City man accidentally dropped his keys through a sidewalk subway grate, then fell to the bottom of the shaft when he tried to retrieve them, thus experiencing in short order at least two common fears of city life. In response, The Awl and Gothamist compiled lists of every New Y...
The Hawks Were Fun, Occasionally Terrific, And Not Revolutionary
The Finals matchup is set, and thanks to a scheduling quirk and two mostly non-competitive conference finals series, we’ve got nearly an entire week with no basketball. It’s a good time to revisit how we got here....
How Did We All Get Sucked Into James Harden's Nightmare?
He had more turnovers than shot attempts. The whole performance was bad—sickeningly bad, broadly and in nearly all its details—but the main thing to know is that in last night’s Game 5 elimination, Houston’s James Harden conveyed the ball to the Golden State Warriors more times (13, a playoff record...
If You Grill All These Foods On Memorial Day, The Planets Will Align
Cold fusion. Mars colonization. A cure for cancer. Peace on earth. Cute li’l goals, I guess, if you’re looking for a self-esteem boost. ...
Old Man Jumps Off 500-Foot-High Bridge, Lights Parachute On Fire, Dies
Maybe 73-year-old BASE jumper James E. Hickey didn’t precisely want to die when he leapt off the 500-foot-high Perrine Bridge, in Twin Falls, Idaho, and lit his own goddamn parachute on fire. On the other hand, I think it is safe to say that jumping off of a 500-foot-high bridge and lighting one’s o...
76ers Win Right To Trade Somebody For Two Second-Rounders In 2017
Well, it was worth it. At long last, it was worth it. The two forfeited seasons, the lottery picks spent on bum legs, the young players traded for assets, the assets traded for lesser assets, the draft lottery letting the Heat and Lakers keep their picks instead of shipping them to Philly, the TED t...
How To Watch James Harden, The Loathsome Genius
Hi, casual basketball fan! As you’re likely aware, the NBA’s conference finals begin tonight. In the Eastern Conference, the Atlanta Hawks will take on the Cleveland Cavaliers. In the West, the Golden State Warriors will face the Houston Rockets—and their star guard, James Harden....
How To Grill A Whole Fish, Because It's Just The Best Thing To Do
There are many good reasons for grilling whole fish. The skin and bones keep the flesh moist and flavorful; the skin itself, when cooked well, is life-changingly delicious; whole fish stands up better to grilling heat than a fillet or fish steak will; whole fish usually costs less by weight than the...
Clippers Blow Out Rockets, Advance To–Wait, What? The <i>Rockets</i> Won???
Late in the third quarter of last night’s game at Staples Center, the Rockets looked about as dead as any team has been in these playoffs. They’d been outscored 23-to-6 by the Clippers in the quarter and fallen behind by 19; they weren’t defending or working for good looks on offense and looked pret...
Some <i>Simpsons</i> Characters Voiced By Harry Shearer, Ranked
The Simpsons has been a lousy, vaguely depressing hood ornament for FOX for far longer, by now, than it ever was a good TV show, but when it was a good TV show, it was among the greatest television comedies ever made. Harry Shearer, the brilliant comedic and voice actor who announced his departure f...