albertburneko Page 30 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Now There's A Ranch-Dressing Restaurant, So Let's Walk Into The Ocean
Listen. I say the following with a pristine record of support for unhealthful dairy-based coating glops—both as a genre of foodstuffs and in most specific instances—as well as with the firm backing of all available science: Ranch dressing is bad. Bad dressing....
Chris Paul Will Help You Clown Yourself
Last night, in Oklahoma City, Chris Paul turned the Thunder into a Swiffer. Attach all the necessary caveats to that, of course—it's just one game; the Thunder were without Kevin Durant and the helpful version of Serge Ibaka who used to exist before somebody decided he needed to become Walt Willi...
Maybe Tony Parker And The Spurs Aren't Dead Yet
We've all looked foolish for the Is the sun finally setting on San Antonio? thing so many years in a row now that there's an invisible phone book-sized volume of hedges and mealymouthed qualifications and built-in escape routes affixed to the front of each new iteration of it. You just nod in its d...
J.J. Watt Is A Goddamn Lying Clownfraud
"It's really minimalistic," he said. "There's no frills ... It's just an empty space and a log cabin and snow." You pictured a hovel on the taiga. A lean-to. Wind whistling between the rough-hewn and bark-clad logs. J.J. Watt waking, abundantly and ruggedly bearded, staggering outside in the pre...
Anthony Mason Was From The Future
We'll mostly remember Anthony Mason for toughness, the way that we remember the Riley-era Knicks teams on which he made his reputation. Which, fine. He got in fights, on- and off-court; he deployed his elbows and extra-large ass with abandon and occasional malice; he glowered and wheedled and pro...
How To Make Arrabbiata Sauce, The Angriest, Loveliest Sauce Of All
Picture, in your mind, a mundane interaction between any two regular, essentially happy Italian people. One purchasing a packet of chewing gum from the other, for example. Can you picture it? The screaming, the wild gesticulating, the red faces, the flashing whites of crazed eyes and bared teet...
How To Tell If You're Being A Crank On The Internet, And How To Stop
Man, you sure are het up! Agitated. Can you believe these goddamn coddled athletes/P.C. Police/Now Finaglin' Cheatriots/Twitter-celebrated pop stars of possibly dubious talent/people talking about the colors on a dress when we haven't even solved all The Problems yet? I mean, cheese and rice! ...
Report: ESPN And Fox Sports Nearly Traded Employees
Hey, here's a fun little story. Remember last week when Fox Sports's Katie Nolan went on the BS Report, and she and Bill Simmons kinda coyly reminisced about a failed attempt at bringing her over to Grantland, in the way that people talk about these things on the BS Report, where they don't actua...
Uh, Guys? I Think The Wizards Forgot To Fire Randy Wittman?
Coming into Sunday's game in Detroit, the Washington Wizards had lost two straight and 9 of 13, a month-long stretch of almost uniformly horrendous basketball in which they've fallen from second to fifth in the East. After the 38-point beating they took from the Cavs at home this past Friday, even t...
How To Make Soft-Boiled Eggs: A Minute To Learn, Two Minutes To Master
The weird thing about soft-boiled eggs is the widespread misconception that they're so much trickier to make than their hard-boiled brethren. Done right, they're really not much trickier at all. Easier than stuffing 1,200 words of padding into an instructional blog post about making them, that's for...
The Thunder, Pistons, And Jazz Made A Good Trade
The Oklahoma City Thunder are glad they got rid of Reggie Jackson. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook are glad; the coach and front office are glad; the fans are glad. By all accounts, by the time they finally traded him yesterday, in a three-way deal that landed him in Detroit, the discontented b...
How To Throw, And Survive, A Six-Year-Old's Birthday Party
You can get away with the extended-family-plus-cake setup for your kid's first, oh, four or even five birthdays. Sure, you might invite one or two chums from preschool or the neighborhood, or the close-in-age cousins, but really: So long as there are candles to blow out, cake to eat, presents to...
At Long Last The 76ers Accept That, Yes, It's Finally Time To Rebuild
You can imagine the bittersweet mixture of sadness, gratitude, and relief 76ers fans must be feeling this evening. Today, in a flurry of moves executed just before the NBA's annual trading deadline, general manager and president of basketball operations Sam Hinkie finally pulled the plug on a belove...
The 76ers Are Run By A Ridiculous TED-Humping Moron
One startling scene serves as the crux of ESPN writer Pablo Torre's very good magazine feature about the braintrust of the Philadelphia 76ers. In it, the general manager of a rival Eastern Conference team calls together a motley assembly of coaches, scouts, media relations experts, retired spies,...
How To Cook Valentine's Day Dinner, Like You Damn Well Should
The first thing to know about cooking for Valentine's Day is that the list of occasion-appropriate food preparations you'll find below was made in consultation with a woman, the only blemish on whose otherwise immaculate record of good taste and judgment is her baffling and indefensible decision to ...
Only Kevin Durant Can Make Dropping 40 Look This Easy
Before we get to the highlights of the hyper-efficient 19-shot, 40-point eruption Kevin Durant put on the Nuggets last night in Denver, let's make a deal. I'll grant that, yeah, it came against a terrible team whose own coach has accused it of tanking, if the sorts of readers who'd be inclined to d...
How To Cook Broccoli, On Purpose, And Enjoy It, Which Is Possible
Broccoli is good. No, it is! Good for you, sure, yes, high in fiber and vitamin C and some things called carotenoids that I'm pretty sure were the bad guys in The Fifth Element? But also they are supposed to have antioxidant properties, which means they make you immune to rust....
So, The Wizards Aren't Handling This Slump All That Well
Shit's rough for the Wizards these days, man. After a few months of hanging steady near the top of the East and raking in national praise for their fun young backcourt duo of John Wall and Bradley Beal, they've dumped five in a row, seven of nine, and have been overtaken by the refurbished and newl...
The NBA Pulled Some Silly Shit With Its Player Of The Month Award
Ordinarily, the NBA's Player of the Month awards aren't worth talking or writing about, even among people who talk and write about NBA stuff. Oh no—Player X didn't win Western Conference Player of the Month for November, even though his PER was a smidge higher than some other dude's! Winning one p...
The Denver Nuggets Are A Burning Clown Car Plunging Into A Gorge
The Denver Nuggets have lost 10 of their last 11 games; last night, they trailed the putrid 76ers by as many as 28 points before cobbling together enough dignity to make the final score look competitive. They're 19-30 at the moment, 11th in the stacked West, and 8.5 games out of the final playoff s...