albertburneko Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The American Justice System Is Not Broken
In July, New York police officer Daniel Pantaleo choked unarmed black man Eric Garner to death, in broad daylight, while a bystander caught it on video. That is what American police do. Yesterday, despite the video, despite an NYPD prohibition of exactly the sort of chokehold Pantaleo used, and de...
Bad Man Employs A Damn McChicken Sandwich As A Tool Of Spousal Abuse
A Des Moines man is in jail today, after he assaulted his pregnant wife with a goddamn McChicken sandwich. And not by feeding it to her! By throwing it at her and smashing it into her face. That's way worse!...
Andre Miller Throws Some Classic Old-Man Game At The Heat, Scores
Andre Miller is 941 years old and has been in the NBA longer than it has existed; his first career assist, as a matter of fact, was a pocket bounce-pass to a rolling Chester Arthur for a two-handed jam. In all the years since, Gramps has learned a few tricks to augment his nonexistent athleticism, ...
How To Eat Your Thanksgiving Leftovers: Three Good-Ass Techniques
The morning following Thanksgiving is a bleary, cotton-mouthed, dead-eyed time—a time for questions, a time of Reckoning. "Oh, Jesus, how much did I drink yesterday?" and, "Am I going to die?" and, "Why do I keep doing this to myself?" and, "Am I in Fort Worth? How did I come to be in Fort Worth?" T...
How To Eat Thanksgiving Dinner: A Strategy Guide
How does one eat a Thanksgiving meal? On its face this might seem like a ridiculous question, and also everywhere else too. I mean, who doesn’t know how to eat? (Excepting the British, of course.) Thanksgiving is marked, more than anything else, by its abundance of tasty foodstuffs; practically spe...
The Foodspin Thanksgiving Reader
Hey, whoa, Thanksgiving is here! And although you likely will spend it huddled over a vending-machine candy bar in a snowed-in airport terminal surrounded by wild-eyed and feral-looking strangers, that shouldn't stop you from fantasizing about the delicious non-candy foods you'd be eating if our nat...
Chick-Fil-A Is Either On A Homicidal Rampage Or Bad At Twitter
So either a Chick-Fil-A employee forgot to log out of the company Twitter account before tweeting about his/her gaming exploits, or the pious chicken chain has snapped and is out here cruising the streets with a weapon, looking for blood, and super chipper about it....
Got Thanksgiving Cooking Questions? Come Chat With Some Food People
We're very happy to be joined today by Kenzi Wilbur, managing editor of Food52, Cara Parks, executive editor of Modern Farmer, plus our own Jolie Kerr, Will Gordon, and, uh, me. We're all hanging out down below in the discussion, awaiting your Thanksgiving food and drink questions. Let's have 'em....
How To Make Potatoes Au Gratin, A Step Beyond Good Ol' Mashed Taters
Hey, look, mashed potatoes are wonderful. They're smooth and hearty and comforting; they land in your stomach with a satisfying, almost audible whump; they are the food equivalent of dropping your entire body onto a soft, overstuffed sofa. Kids love them, grownups love them, everybody loves them. ...
Dion Waiters Goes For Dunk, Gets Destroyed, Is Terrible
Millennial Dion Waiters stinks and is bad; tonight against the Wizards, he tried to dunk on Kevin Seraphin and got stoned—with both hands!—directly to hell. My favorite part is Jon Barry and Mike Breen both initially assuming it must have been a foul, before watching the replay and realizing, yep, ...
Why The Lakers' Brand Of Suck Matters
That Nick Young's return to the lineup would coincide with the Lakers' ascent from gonzo terribleness to bland mediocrity fits, really. Both because at every stop in his NBA career Nick Young has done whatever would annoy me the most, but also because "Swaggy P" is the basketball embodiment of a tw...
This Family Is The Worst Thing On Facebook
Perhaps you have had occasion to view a YouTube song video created by a group of healthy-looking white people named "The Holderness Family." Perhaps it was the one in which they perform a version of Snoop Dogg's classic "Gin and Juice" song, fitted to Halloween, titled "Kin and Moose."...
The Funniest Thing In Sports: Kobe Bryant Chucking At Historic Levels
Kobe Bryant shot a combined 16-for-48 in the two ass-kickings the Lakers absorbed over the weekend. Even the bad guys from Rambo III are all, "Jesus, man, that's a lotta terrible shooting." The friggin' Ethyl Higby Charm School doesn't have that many misses....
Times Of Day To Have Some Damn Peace And Quiet Around Here, Ranked
When you are a Sad Dad, one of the things you spend the most time pining for—after, like, an actual grown-up date with your spouse, a window of more than five minutes in which to take a shower, and relief from the constant background awareness of your own bottomless inadequacy—is some damn peace and...
This Coast-To-Coast Andre Iguodala Dunk Is Gorgeous
Blah blah slow news day boogity boogity traveling bork bork bork not a real dunk durr bad defense mew mew mew....
Kobe And The Lakers Do Dumb Shit; Anthony Davis Dismisses Them
The ridiculous, bad-basketball-playin'-ass Lakers lost again last night, 109-102 in New Orleans, to fall to 1-7. Basically, they performed how you might expect them to on the second night of a road back-to-back: they won the first quarter with some fluky hot shooting, then sagged badly in the middl...
All Hail Kobe Bryant And The Lakers, Lords Of Madness
First things first: You don't get to miss more shots than anybody else in NBA history by being bad at basketball. That record would be Larry Hughes's if he didn't, y'know, suck at everything, and in this sense, the all-time missed-shots record is a perverse monument to Kobe Bryant's greatness. He ...
The Crazy Kobe Trade Ideas Season Is Now Open
One of the many joys of a high-profile NBA team collapsing is when the desperate homers and old-fart national columnists who, weirdly, don't pay any actual attention to the NBA begin wildly overestimating what the team could get back by trading away its bad players. Hey, the Knicks are in the toile...