albertburneko Page 40 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Oh Hell, Root For The Wizards: John Wall's Brave, Stubborn Playoff Run
If you have watched much Washington Wizards basketball over the past four seasons, first of all, why, and I am so sorry—but also, you have seen John Wall chase down a ballhandler in transition, take off like a fucking F/A-18 off a carrier deck, and swat the absolute shit out of the ball. It's reall...
How To Hard-Boil Eggs, For Godly Or Ungodly Purposes
Interestingly (or maybe not interestingly) (I mean, we are talking about boiled eggs, and we are gonna have to calibrate our "interesting" scale pretty generously here), hard-boiled eggs, when made properly, receive a much softer boiling than soft-boiled eggs. The "-boiled" is what confuses things: ...
Tell Us Your Awesome/Humiliating Childhood Sports Stories
Readers! We want your childhood sports stories. Heroic ones, and embarrassing ones. The time you closed your eyes, swung from your heels, and turned the dimpled Golden Boy's best fastball into a screeching rocket for a double. The time you heaved a half-court buzzer-beater, missed the basket by ...
How To Grill A Flank Steak, The Steak For Socialists
We are Americans (no, not you, Canadians) (OK, you too, c'mon over here ya big galoots), and we like big hunks of steak*. To be precise, we like our own big hunks of steak: We like to saunter into Bob's House of Steak all bowlegged and gimlet-eyed like John Wayne and order for ourselves some great ...
Our Pimento Cheese Is Better Than Augusta National's
The Masters Tournament started yesterday (Go Tiger! ...oh, never mind.), and Bon Appétit's Adam Rapoport is chatting about Masters foods, and dammit, that's a perfectly good excuse to remind you that our pimento cheese karate-chops the shriveled, linen-suit-clad nards off the orange sludge they're ...
Sriracha Declared A Public Nuisance; Civilization To Collapse
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, motherfuckers: It tolls for sriracha. In a unanimous, bourgeois-food-world-rocking vote Wednesday evening, the City Council of Irwindale, California declared the noxious hot-sauce fumes emitting from the town's Huy Fong Foods factory a [dun dun dun] public nuisance....
Never Buy New Sneakers In March. Never.
These are my new shoes. I have had them for, oh, a little longer than a week. They are muddy shit, now. I tell myself that I will clean them later, but we all know that even if that does happen—even if I do not forget; even if I am not overwhelmed by the obvious futility of such an enterprise—"cl...
So You Want Cream Cheese And Fish Eggs In Your Pizza Crust, You Say
Looks like you'll have to travel to get it (and also it looks like you might be a lunatic): Pizza Hut locations in Hong Kong are now selling the uncreatively named Fish Roe Salmon Cream Cheese Pizza. As its name suggests, this is a pizza with salmon-flavored cream cheese and roe inside its crust, w...
How To Fry Brussels Sprouts, And Learn To Love Them At Last
You think of Brussels sprouts and you think of misery. When you were a kid, some damn do-gooder grownup nuked a frozen bag of them in the microwave , and scooped a bunch of them onto your plate next to your delicious SpaghettiOs, and laid some bullshit on you about how eating them would make you gro...
Skyline Figures You'd Like Blue Noodles Under Your Diarrhea Sludge
Would you get a load of that horror. I mean lean on in here and get a nice big load of it. That is a pair of tubs of pasta, dyed red and blue by Louisville's Skyline Chili locations as a... what? celebration? like hell! ...of the upcoming Louisville-Kentucky Sweet 16 matchup. Because Skyline Chil...
How To Make Sausage Gravy, And Shave A Few Years Off Your Lifespan
Sausage gravy is deeply, deeply disreputable food. In its typical presentation, slopped across biscuits in some charmingly run-down roadside diner with Patsy Cline playing on the jukebox, it is, in essence, flour on flour, dressed up as actual sustenance by the inclusion of token quantities of butte...
How To Make Linguine With Clams And Bid Farewell To This Goddamn Winter
Groundhog meteorologists notwithstanding, seasons are shapeless, poorly defined things. To wit: Traditionally, in North America, the "winter" season is regarded as beginning at some point in the back half of December (the solstice) and extending into the back half of the following March (the equino...
Insane Person Endeavors To Poop The Rainbow
[stands in silence, agape, for many long minutes, as the wind blows]...
Map: The United States Of America, By Meat
This is fun. L.V. Anderson and Jess Fink of Slate started with a simple observation—Americans consume more meat per person than any other nation on earth (except Luxembourg, those gluttons), yet most of our official state foods are not meat—and have created a map that assigns a unique meat or meat-...
Let's Try Chips Ahoy! Ice Cream Creations, A Dessert-Flavored Dessert
Remember ice cream? Oh man, ice cream. There are so many wonderful things to remember about ice cream, but first and foremost—more than the carnival of flavors and colors; the various zany, luxurious toppings and swirls; the fun presentations (Sundae! Banana split! Ice cream cone! Ice cream cak...
Behold The Dick-And-Balls Nilla Wafer
Reader Kevin brings us this, the Nilla Wafer shaped like a dick and balls. That sure as hell is one dick-and-balls-shaped Nilla Wafer! Man. Take it away, Kevin:...
How To Cook Sea Scallops Without Ruining Them: The Case Against Bacon
Step one is hiring a sinister shifty-eyed fellow with a pencil mustache to remove the bacon from your refrigerator and hide it somewhere in your home where you cannot find it. OK, so he does not have to have a pencil mustache. But it will be awesomer if he does....
How To Make A Simple Goddamn Grilled-Cheese Sandwich
Everywhere we are gussying up our grilled-cheese sandwiches. In fancy restaurants and home kitchens and delicatessens and those insufferable quasi-fast-food joints with the accented, ambiguously Euro names and the friggin' Ray LaMontagne music on the PA and the cutesy, bottled alterna-soda in the co...
You're Eating It Wrong: Chicken Wings
Yesterday we taught you how to make wings for your Super Bowl party, but now the big day is here, and, holy shit, how do I eat these things? The answer: Not how you've been doing it, weirdo!...