albertburneko Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Report: Warriors Plan To Add Ancient Pizzagater Andrew Bogut
The Golden State Warriors are planning to sign 34-year-old center Andrew Bogut for the remainder of the season, according to a Yahoo Sports report citing anonymous league sources. Bogut, who left the NBA when the Lakers waived him last February, has been playing professionally in Australia since Apr...
Report: Warriors Plan To Add Ancient Pizzagater Andrew Bogut
The Golden State Warriors are planning to sign 34-year-old center Andrew Bogut for the remainder of the season, according to a Yahoo Sports report citing anonymous league sources. Bogut, who left the NBA when the Lakers waived him last February, has been playing professionally in Australia since Apr...
You Will Be Shocked To Learn That Kobe Bryant's Opinion On Zion Williamson Is Smarmy Scab Shit
Stop the fucking presses!...
You Will Be Shocked To Learn That Kobe Bryant's Opinion On Zion Williamson Is Smarmy Scab Shit
Stop the fucking presses!...
Maybe Brad Stevens Isn't Quite Up To <i>This</i>
“We’re just not together. Plain and simple.” That’s Boston’s Marcus Smart, in the aftermath of the 118-95 ass-whomping his Celtics received at the hands of Pascal Siakam and the Toronto Raptors last night. By my informal count, this is something like the 917th time in this disappointing Boston seaso...
Maybe Brad Stevens Isn't Quite Up To <i>This</i>
“We’re just not together. Plain and simple.” That’s Boston’s Marcus Smart, in the aftermath of the 118-95 ass-whomping his Celtics received at the hands of Pascal Siakam and the Toronto Raptors last night. By my informal count, this is something like the 917th time in this disappointing Boston seaso...
Ja Rule Puts A Curse On The Timberwolves, Which Has To Be Worth, What, At Least A Couple Extra Wins
Ja Rule performed as Saturday night’s halftime entertainment at the Timberwolves-Bucks game in Milwaukee. My favorite part of this is that whoever booked him did so as part of a “90s Night” promotion. Ja Rule’s debut album, the dreadful Venni Vetti Vecci, came out on June 1, 1999....
I Can't Wait To See How Roger Goodell Screws This Up
By now you’ve surely seen or heard that New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft has been charged with two counts of soliciting prostitution, in connection with a bust on Florida massage parlors allegedly connected to human trafficking. As of this writing, a warrant has been issued for Kraft’s arrest...
Make Some Fiery Red Chili Sauce And Put It On Stuff
Maybe you do the thing where, on a Sunday morning, you dump a week’s worth of leftover chicken bones into a big pot of cold water with some onions and root vegetables and herbs and whatnot and make stock. Or maybe you do the thing where you dump a couple huge cans of tomatoes in that big pot with so...
Report: Embarrassing NBA Franchise Fires Embarrassing GM In Embarrassing Fashion<em></em>
The New Orleans Pelicans have fired general manager Dell Demps, according to ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowki. This is richly hilarious....
Some Selections From The First Half Or So Of ESPN's Longform Article About Kevin Durant's ESPN+ Show About Kevin Durant's Brand
It would be insulting and demeaning to all involved for me to try to convince you, the reader, of the grossness of “Kevin Durant: The Making of a Mogul.” The story is a longform sponcon advertorial for Kevin Durant’s ESPN+ show about Kevin Durant’s branding efforts that appears, sort of halfheartedl...
Bring Forth The Trades
It’s NBA Trade Deadline Day, that day basketball fans all get extremely excited about each February despite it reliably sucking shit like six out of any seven years. The trade season already has produced many delights. Kristaps Porzingis to the Mavs, for poop! Otto Porter to the Bulls, for somehow e...
The Sixers Are Going For It
The Philadelphia 76ers have acquired not-quite-all-star forward Tobias Harris from the Los Angeles Clippers, in a blockbuster trade first reported overnight by ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski. They’ll have the strongest starting five in the East, by miles—and, given the risks they’re taking, now had bette...
Just Make The Damn Trade
It’s worth remembering that this all ought to be pretty easy....
Mondo Fucking Dumbass Insanely Wrong On Super Bowl Prediction
Here’s CBS NFL analyst Tony Romo, seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators, giving his Super Bowl prediction from last week. Check out Nostradamus over here!...
Why Your Dumb Team Won't Trade For Anthony Davis
As you surely know by now, New Orleans Pelicans superstar Anthony Davis requested a trade. He wants to leave that derelict organization for one that will give him a chance to contend for championships. The Pelicans can deal him by next Thursday’s trade deadline, or they can wait until the season end...
Here's An Idea For Fixing The NBA's Fouling Problem
The NBA has a fouling problem. Broadly, it’s this: Tactical defensive fouling has been normalized, because it’s a helpful tactic, yet the fundamental nature and rules of the game are built around the premise that fouling is bad....
Report: Anthony Davis Requests Trade Out Of New Orleans
Anthony Davis has asked the New Orleans Pelicans to trade him “to a team that allows him a chance to win consistently and compete for a championship,” his agent, Rich Paul, told ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski in a report this morning. That trade, if it eventually happens, could be one of the most consequ...
Trade Marc Gasol To The Lakers
The Memphis Grizzlies are swan-diving at a high rate of speed to the bottom of the West, and according to ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski they’re finally ready to see about trading away the two aging faces of the franchise, guard Mike Conley and center Marc Gasol. The team would likely need to get a lot b...
Pacers Fans, To Kelly Oubre Jr.: "John Wall Hates You"
The Washington Wizards are so richly and floridly toxic that it’s impossible to keep track of which of them want to murder each other at any given time. But, in the aftermath of the trade that sent him to the Phoenix Suns in exchange for a fading 33-year-old who’ll be an unrestricted free agent at t...