albertburneko Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jrue Holiday Will Punish You For Worrying About Anthony Davis
The Toronto Raptors came into last night’s home game against the New Orleans Pelicans as the hottest team in the NBA, with a league-best 12-1 record and on a six-game winning streak. They had third-best offense and eighth-best defense in the league, and have done all this with Kawhi Leonard already ...
Tyson Chandler Did Tyson Chandler Stuff And The Lakers Won
When Derrick Rose splashed a step-back three with 1:07 to go in last night’s Timberwolves-Lakers game, it left the Lakers with a one-point lead that felt like a deficit. Rose is a career 30-percent three-point shooter, and that triple was his seventh made three of the game and his third in less than...
After All That Nonsense, LaMelo Ball Is Going Back To High School
LaMelo Ball, youngest brother of Lakers guard Lonzo Ball and youngest son of fartbrained wannabe shoe salesman LaVar Ball, will enroll at an Ohio prep school to finish his high-school basketball career, according to Slam Online. It’s not known at this time exactly how this move fits into his overbea...
Here Are Some Young NBA Players Who Are Butt
The NBA contains many exciting and fun young lads, rubbery and springy basketball sons filled with promise. Jayson Tatum, De’Aaron Fox, Domantas Sabonis, and so on. But also there are many young basketball men who are dumpster crap. Here, in no particular order, is a list of some young NBA players w...
I Like Chopping Firewood (In <i>Red Dead Redemption 2</i>)
The horses had all the hay they needed, the random bucket of water had been emptied into the wash trough, the cook had his sacks of grain or flour or whatever, and there were no more logs to split. The menial morning chores were done. And I thought, Shit, I guess now I gotta go have a thrilling Old ...
The Rockets Suck
Yes, okay, fine: James Harden has a strained hamstring that kept him out of the past two games, including last night’s blowout home loss to the Blazers, which dropped the Rockets’ record to 1-5. And yes, Chris Paul missed the two games prior to Harden’s outage—both losses—serving his suspension for ...
Ben Simmons Is Going To Need To Shoot At Some Point
Just in time for Halloween, here is a short horror film from Saturday night’s Hornets-76ers game, starring Philadelphia guard Ben Simmons, with fellow Sixer Markelle Fultz in a supporting role:...
Joel Embiid And Andre Drummond Are Beefing, We Got Some Basketbeef Here
Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid is a big fat out-of-shape butt and also a very fine television actor, according to Detroit Pistons center Andre Drummond. Let’s back up and make some sense of that....
It's Just Always Gonna Be Like This For The Wizards
Dwight Howard hasn’t played yet. He’s out with, literally, a sore ass. The guy starting in his place, Ian Mahinmi, has played a total of 33 minutes in three games; he’s committed 10 fouls and made one shot. The guy backing him up, Jason Smith, has a minus-22 net rating in 44 minutes and is shooting ...
Elfrid Payton Has Neat New Hair And Neat New Teammates
Some of the uncertainty coming into this season, for the New Orleans Pelicans, concerned the departure of Rajon Rondo, who played an important role in the team’s strong finish last season and then left in free agency, and his replacement, Elfrid Payton. If, like mine, your brain has been turned to s...
A Timely Preview Of The 2018-19 NBA Season, Which, Ah, Hm, Appears To Have Begun Already
Well hello there, fellow basketball enthusiast! It’s that time again: Time for the NBA season to have begun literally over two hours ago, when the Celtics and Sixers tipped off in Boston. There could be no better time than this to look ahead to what the 2018-19 season has in store for us, except may...
Vlad Guerrero Jr. Actually Not Good, According To Brain Genius Who's Proudly Never Watched Him
Here is a hell of a take!...
No, It's Not Good News, It's Never Good News And Never Will Be Again
Here is a good technique: anytime this or that Trump stooge or Republican or conservative (they’re all the same thing, really) makes surprising headlines, and you find yourself wondering if they might have done it for reasons you can respect or admire or at least in which you might possibly vest som...
Markelle Fultz Is A Deranged Weirdo Who Doesn't Know How To Use His Limbs
Philadelphia 76ers basketball forgetter Markelle Fultz fouled out in 19 minutes of dreadful action this morning in an exhibition game in Shenzhen, China, against a skeleton-crew Dallas Mavericks team without DeAndre Jordan, Harrison Barnes, and Dirk Nowitzki. He looked real bad! But somehow not near...
This October, Root For Your Coworkers' Misery
The Nationals are despicable and I hate them, and anyway they’re out. The Orioles were the lousiest team in living memory this year. As a baseball fan in and from the broader D.C. area, I’m stranded in these playoffs, with no obvious rooting interest—except one: the joy of my dear coworkers’ sadnes...
Deadspin Up All Night: There's No One In The Place
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. You’ve gotta be true to your code....
Why The Fuck Isn't Kobe Bryant A Pariah Yet?
Did you hear? Kobe Bryant is a body-care guru now. Partnering with a pair of business-bro whipdicks and a smattering of pro athletes, including NBA MVP James Harden, he’s launching a line of beauty products for athletes and men who want to pretend they are athletes. Here’s a link to an article about...
<i>NBA 2K19</i>'s Brand Humping Is Craven, Shameless, And Straight-Up Evil
If you have read anything about the NBA 2K series in the past couple years, then you know that its centerpiece “MyCareer” mode, in which you guide a custom-created fledgling NBA player to stardom, is a hyper-branded, microtransaction-choked nightmare all but explicitly designed to pressure human pla...
LeBron, In A Lakers Uniform, Doing LeBron Stuff
The Los Angeles Lakers opened their preseason last night in San Diego. Who cares! I don’t care. The NBA should shut up for at least another couple weeks. Did they win? Who were their opponents? Who led them in scoring? Don’t care!...