barryap Page 596 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Patrick Kane's Drunken Stanley Cup Road Trip Rolls On
That crazy kid puts down the Twlight books for a second to bring the Cup to Wrigleyville watering hole Moe's Cantina. Drinking out of the cup, and using it to pick up chicks? You betcha....

Patrick Kane Loves Him Some <em>Twilight</em>
Seen on MySpace: Stanley Cup Winner. Likes: Team Edward. Dislikes: When my mom comes in my room without knocking first....

Kid Plucked From Stands Promptly Breaks His Arm
Angel Stadium: cursed. First Kendry Morales breaks his leg celebrating a walkoff home run. Now an 11-year-old kid breaks his arm during an onfield promotion. But young Beecher Halladay is more of a man about it than we'd ever be....

Bill Simmons Writes About Holdouts, Works Through Some Of His Own Issues
Today, Simmons wrote about the nature of contract disputes. Ostensibly it's about pro athletes holding out. But somewhere, deep in the Sports Guy's Sports Psyche, it very well may have been about him....

Breaking: Patrick Kane, Stanley Cup Stuck Atop A Ladder Truck In Downtown Buffalo
That is all. You may resume your business. [h/t Tom]...

John Salley Story Corner: Picking Up Prostitutes In Hawaii
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: consorting with fallen women in Waikiki....

The Grossest Thing You'll Read All Week
Seattle man dumps bucket filled with "urine, feces and vomit" on neighbor. The Aristocrats!...

Last Night's Winner: The Miami Heat's Smothering Of Banana Man
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Heat's culture of secrecy, which forbade local media from speaking to...a fan who wears a banana suit....

320-Lb. White Men Can't Jump
Ravens OT Joe Reitz did the honors last night for a TD celebration goalpost dunk. Or, he tried. Which is sad considering he's played more years of high level basketball than football in his life....

Bo "The Bailer" Gets His Spot Blown Up On Facebook
You're damn right I'm still ticked at an 18-year-old kid for ditching us for CBS. To that end, here's an amusing Facebook discussion on Bo and Sara's relationship status, featuring a cameo from Sara herself....

Ray Lewis Masturbating On A Pile Of Skulls Is Not Actually That Far-Fetched
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Foul Ball Couple Calls It Quits
Bo and Sara did the TV thing this morning, and revealed to the world what we already knew: this was one storm their relationship could not weather....

K-Rod, The Ticking Time Bomb
Now that Francisco Rodriguez is history's greatest monster, we wondered if we should have seen it coming....

$5 Yard Sale Find Turns Out To Be Floyd Landis Custom Bike
Once prized, the bike was discarded on the side of the road, and thought to be worthless. Much like Landis himself....

200 Beer Bottles Opened In 80 Seconds? Believe It
In the pantheon of useless talents, this rates somewhere between reciting Pi to the hundredth digit and throwing a knuckleball. I'd be more impressed if he had kept even one beer from overflowing with head....

And That'll Do It For Chipper
Chipper Jones's season (career?) is over after an MRI revealed a torn ACL. And with that, the last Larry standing in the majors is Dewayne Wise. [AJC]...

<em>Hard Knocks</em> Is Already The Rex Ryan Show
The Jets coach gave an inspirational, aspirational, foulmouthed speech to his assembled players (minus Darrelle Revis), and god damn if I'm not fired up right now. I bet I could lead the league in fucking wins. [video via Ape at KSK]...

Tim Tebow's Hyperbaric Chamber Lets Him Use Oxygen Better Than You, Too
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Francisco Rodriguez Arrested For Allegedly Beating Up Father-In-Law In Clubhouse
The Mets closer is in police custody and charged with assault after sending his father in law to the hospital after the Mets' loss tonight....

This Is Probably Not Matt Kemp's Penis
Despite MediaTakeOut trumpeting this as the Dodgers outfielder choking up on his swing, we're dubious. And we've seen some athlete dong in our day....