basketbawful-old Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
LeBron Scores 50, While "LeBron" Gets Escorted Out Of MSG
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has no idea what to say about himself today. When he's not blanking out on his own life for Deadspin, he can be found brainfarting at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • New York hearts LeBron. King James gave the Knicks a three-fisted knuckle sandwich of 50 points,...
Ron Artest Says "Raaargh," But Lakers Win Anyway
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who never thought he'd live to see the day when Joel Przybilla could push around Shaquille O'Neal. When he's not having his most cherished basketball memories irrevocably altered by The Big Eraser, he can be found dancing the funky chicken at Basketbawful. E...
Isiah Thomas Joins "Fire Isiah" Movement
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks Isiah has been trying to get fired for years - I mean, would you want to coach the Knicks? Didn't think so. When he's not trying to make sense of Isiah's substitution patterns, he can be found scrapbooking at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Okay, seriousl...
The Ultimate Warrior Edition
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks there's something morbidly fascinating about a guy who looks like he walked out of a Boris Vellejo painting and is also clinically insane....
Kobe Won't Stop Looking At DWade
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who freaking slept through the Mavs/Spurs game but then woke up for the Heat/Lakers game and therefore wants you to please, please kill him. When he isn't begging for death, he can be found seeking it out at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Tim Duncan + Doing Everyth...
LeBron Is Human After All
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who isn't going to cover the Blazers/Clippers game, because of the pain it caused my eyes to watch. (Although I will tell you that Portland won 82-80.) When he isn't recovering from the ugliness of professional basketball, he can be found making fun of it at...
Pat Riley Feels Like A Mosquito In A Nudist Colony. Seriously
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who loves zombie movies and is really ticked off that Diary of the Dead came out in a limited release. Oh well. Hopefully World War Z will come out some time in the next year. Anyway, when he isn't obsessing over flesh-eating ghouls, he can be found feasting...
Where Five-Point First Quarters Happen
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks he could probably score five points in a quarter if he was in the NBA. Or...not. When he isn't suffering from delusions of grandeur, he can be found keeping it real at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Five points. Five points! There was a five-point first ...
Cleveland Fans Rejoice, Suns Fans Weep. For Today, Anyway.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who blah, blah, blah-diddy-blah. Who cares, right? When he's not forcing you to read useless factoids about himself, he's doing it to a completely different set of readers at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Shaq has done the impossible. In only three short games, Th...
Do Not Light A Match Around Manu Ginobili Right Now
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who really wishes that TNT didn't schedule the Thursday night games so far in advance. When not falling asleep during Heat/Rockets games, he can be found blowing off steam at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Flame on! After watching Manu Ginobili score 44 points an...
Phoenix Suns Reveal First Attempts To Clone Shaq
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would use the power of Mighty Science to clone the pet turtle who died when he was 12, and probably Lynda Carter. When he's not fantasizing about a harem of Wonder Woman clones, he can be found manipulating DNA at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • You know, it's a...
NBA All-Star Hangover: Featuring Real Quotes From Real Drunks!
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's spent a night here and there praying to The Porcelain God. When he's not sailing the seas with Captain Morgan, he can be found getting intoxicated by the NBA at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • What? Don't try to act like none of you have ever gotten drunk and ...
Top 10 Things That Are More Boring Than The Bibby Trade
In case you missed it - and that would have been easy to do - Mike Bibby was traded to the Atlanta Hawks last weekend. I sincerely hope you don't care, but in case you do, the Hawks sent starting point guard Anthony Johnson, 2007 first-round pick Shelden Williams, backup point guard Tyronn Lue, vete...
Where Meaningless (But Mildly Entertaining) All-Star Games Happen
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who spent most of the weekend wearing Superman pajamas and recreating Dwight Howard's award-winning dunks on a Nerf hoop. When he's not wearing blue tights with little red undies on the outside, he can be found practicing his dunk face at Basketbawful. Enjoy...
A Very NBA Valentine's Day
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's got a sinus infection right now, so don't expect any miracles today, okay? When he's not hacking up globs of stuff that look like they could be used as monster blood in an Alien versus Predator movie, he can be found dying a slow, painful death at Bask...
George: You Just Cockblocked McLovin!
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who cannot freaking believe that Devean George - Devean George!! - foiled Jason Kidd's trade to Dallas. Wow. When he's not paralyzed with disbelief, he can be found sitting there with his mouth hanging open at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • McLovin's our friend! We...
NBA Closer: The Dr. Cox Edition
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks most people are bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. When he's not busy hating the whole goddamn world, he can be found discussing the best of the worst of professional basketball at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Sweetheart, I find it...
Yet Another Case Of The Mondays
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who generally shows up to work about 15 minutes late (he uses the side door so his boss doesn't see him). After that, he just sort of spaces out for an hour. Yeah, he just stares at his desk, but it looks like he's working. He does that for probably another ...
Brandon Bass Whacks Vince Carter, World Rejoices
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, a former college intramural freethrow shooting champion...25-for-25 baby! When he's not perfecting his stroke from the line - no double-entendre intended, as far as you know - he can be found studying the science of freethrowology at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • ...
Angry Shaq's Death Toll Currently Stands At One Shark, Maybe Shawn Bradley
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who once attended a Sports and Literature class with Brian Cardinal but still doesn't know whether Cardinal can actually read. When he's not bidding on game-used Kwame Brown NBA logos - listed as very rare!! - he can be found hiding from Shaq at Basketbawful...