billyhaisley Page 10 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Franck Ribéry Defends Right To Eat Salt Bae's Garbage, Tells His Haters' Grandmothers And Mothers To Get Fucked
No sane person would flush gold down a toilet, nor would one consume gold-encrusted meat, but Bayern Munich forward Franck Ribéry essentially did both when he filmed himself at a Dubai restaurant preparing to put a steak flecked with the precious metal into what he later demonstrated to be his potty...
Manchester City Beat Liverpool And The Shit Just Got Real<em></em><em></em>
The act of playing soccer is so impressive because it involves 11 individuals combining their very specific and often disparate skills to create a amoeba-like whole that can progress a ball up and down a large field and into a goal using only its 22 feet while a competing body tries to stand in its ...
Hot Damn, Chelsea Just Bought Christian Pulisic For A Shit-Ton Of Money
The rumor mill has been in overdrive these past few weeks about Christian Pulisic’s future, and today we got official confirmation of a move that still feels a little shocking: Premier League giants Chelsea have purchased the artist formally known as America’s Wonderteen from Borussia Dortmund for a...
Mamma Mia, That's A Spicy Own Goal!
Italian soccer found itself beset by the twin scourges of violence and racism yesterday, which is maybe fortunate for Ascoli goalkeeper Filippo Perucchini, since his humiliating own goal in a Serie B match against Palermo today would’ve definitely been front-page news in less violent and racist time...
Inter Forced To Play Two Matches In Closed Stadium For Having Racist Shithead Fans
This year, Italy’s Serie A adopted the English tradition of holding matches on the day after Christmas, known as Boxing Day, in hopes of showing off its domestic product to the widest possible set of eyeballs. Of course, as the hopefully embarrassed country came to realize, showing off the glories o...
Brilliant Shithead Hatem Ben Arfa Is Yet Again Back From The Dead
It was three years ago that Hatem Ben Arfa, the supremely talented and infamously knuckleheaded French attacker, was in the midst of a career resurrection. Since then, Ben Arfa’s seen his career buried once again by the shitheadedness that has all too often overshadowed his immense gifts. And yet, l...
How On God's Green Earth Did This Ball Not Go In?
AZ Alkmaar plastered PEC Zwolle in the Dutch Cup today by a score of 5-0. However, due to some wicked backspin and an insanely precise smack off the crossbar and the possible imposition of dark magic, AZ forward Mats Seuntjins’s 15th-minute strike somehow was not one of those five goals:...
José Mourinho's Failed Tenure At Manchester United Is Finally Over
After two-and-a-half bad and boring seasons at Manchester United, the club announced today in some euphemistic language that manager José Mourinho has been tossed out on his ass. This decision to get rid of Mourinho is both overdue and yet still surprising, which says so much about the ruinous state...
This Is How Liverpool Will Win The Premier League
Liverpool are legitimate contenders to win all the big trophies this season for the simple reason that their starting lineup is crammed full of players who are amongst the very best at their positions. Mohamed Salah, Virgil van Dijk, Alisson, Trent Alexander-Arnold, the forward line generally, the f...
Paulo Dybala Learns What It's Like To Play With Cristiano Ronaldo
Here is what would’ve been Paulo Dybala’s equalizing wondergoal in the last seconds of Juventus’s 2-1 loss to Young Boys in the Champions League yesterday, if only the referee hadn’t ruled it out for Cristiano Ronaldo’s offside interference, which maybe/probably wouldn’t have been called had Ronaldo...
It Must Suck So Hard To Be A Manchester United Fan
Try, if only for a moment, to go inside the mind of a Manchester United fan....
Deadspin Up All Night: It's Mad Drama
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go....
World-Famous Atlanta Strip Club Welcomes In A Little-Known Soccer Trophy For Some Booty Dancing
Millions of young boys around the world dream of one day making it inside Magic City, Atlanta’s internationally renowned strip club. Very few of those dreamers imagine it will be success in America’s bootleg soccer competition that will bring them there, but, for dreams, ends matter more than means....
Ousmane Dembélé Clowns Two Tottenham Defenders And Dunks The Ball Into The Net
Ousmane Dembélé just gave Barcelona the lead against Tottenham in the Champions League by flying past defender Kyle Walker-Peters with an absolutely insulting big touch and then sitting midfielder Harry Winks on his ass with his trademark fake shot before slamming the ball past goalkeeper Hugo Llori...
Of Course Lionel Messi Has Become A Master Of Free Kicks
Lionel Messi is slowing down. It’s a painful thing to admit, but it’s true. As the old saw goes, Father Time is undefeated, and there is no greater testament to how unbelievable Messi was at his peak than the fact that he remains far and away the best player in the world in spite of Father Time’s ef...
Chelsea Ban Four Fans In Conjunction With Alleged Racist Abuse Of Raheem Sterling
While local police investigate an incident during Saturday’s Chelsea-Manchester City match during which a Chelsea fan was caught on camera allegedly yelling racist shit at Raheem Sterling, Chelsea have identified four fans suspected of being involved and have banned them from attending matches while...
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Glad He No Longer Plays With Selfish Assholes Like Cristiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo obviously loves himself some Cristiano Ronaldo. But you know who Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t love? Teammates who act like Cristiano Ronaldo....
Thank God David Silva's Hair Transplant Is Finally Taking Root
David Silva has long been one of the most aesthetically pleasing players in soccer, mostly because he is a wizard with the ball at his feet but also due to a handsome look that married strong, angular facial features with what was a delightfully messy mop of hair. Then last year he buzzed off that f...
Heroic Doggy Keeper Rescues Blundering Human Keeper With Great, Adorable Save
Juventud Unida beat Defensores de Belgrano 3-0 on Sunday in Argentina’s third division. The home team would’ve won by even more after a goalkeeping boner gifted Juventud the ball and an open net, but for the perfectly timed intervention by the most adorable and effective idiot on the field we’ve yet...
David Moyes Is The Most Interested Man In The World
Southampton fired Mark Hughes today after finally realizing what was evident to just about everyone the day he got the manager position there, which is that things were almost certainly not going to work out. And like your unemployed cousin who desperately needs a job so he can finally move out of y...