billyhaisley Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Deadspin Up All Night: In It To Win It
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Andrés Iniesta Has Moved To Japan And Become A Golazo-Scoring Fiend
They say you can’t teach old dogs new tricks. They also say there is always one exception that proves any given rule. I don’t really know what to do with these two chestnuts but they seem relevant to the fact that Andrés Iniesta has moved to Japan and apparently transformed into Lionel Messi....
Liverpool's Low-Key Smashing Of West Ham Was A Statement Of Intent
The first game of a season that for the first time in forever feels like it might end with the long-awaited Premier League title. A match against, on paper, one of the strongest teams in the division. A home opener in what is probably the most raucous stadium in the country. A chance to put together...
English Teen Lauren Hemp Scores From The Right Flank With Her Right Flank<em></em>
If we were to build a pantheon of world soccer’s most lethal weapons, there are a few iconic appendages we can think of that would be locks to make it in: Lionel Messi’s left foot, Cristiano Ronaldo’s right, Abby Wambach’s head. To those ranks we must now add the right hip/stomach/ribs region of Lau...
Paul Pogba's Weirdo Penalty Is The First Premier League Goal Of The Season
At the start of a game that probably shouldn’t be played right now (I mean really, the World Cup ended less than a month ago for chrissakes, don’t these guys deserve some rest?), a player that probably shouldn’t be playing (Paul Pogba had a big role in that World Cup right up till the end, you might...
Deadspin Up All Night: By Myself
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The Best Dribbler In The World Is Back In The Premier League
The best, most unstoppable dribbler in world soccer will be playing in the Premier League this season. Though it’s probably not the player you think....
Steven Gerrard Translates English Into English For English-Speaking Player
The one in which Rangers’ English manager Steven Gerrard (yes, that Steven Gerrard) translates the Scottish press’s English into English so that his new Croatian defender, Nikola Katić, can understand the questions and then reply in English himself:...
Soccer On American TV Is Going Straight To A Fiery, Paywalled Hell
Back in the golden age of soccer TV in the U.S.—think back, if you were lucky enough to be there for them, to those naive, innocent, halcyon days of 2016—America was the best place on earth to be a couch-dwelling soccer fan. In those heady times, stateside followers of the beautiful game could gorge...
The Best Comedy Bits Going Are Leeds Manager Marcelo Bielsa's Interviews
If you’ve found yourself confused about why those familiar with Argentine mad genius manager Marcelo Bielsa were giddy with excitement when he got the Leeds United job earlier this summer, just watch the bizarre, hilarious, Google Translate-in-the-flesh pre- and post-match interviews he gave to Sky ...
Soccer Player Blows Off Some Steam By Drop-Kicking Opponent In The Stomach
Sometimes, in the late stages of a certain loss in a big game, a soccer player might boot the ball with an unnecessarily strong kick in an effort to physically expel some of their inner frustration. No problem, you see it all the time. Less common—and less forgivable—is deciding that your discontent...
England Coming Home, Won't Bring Football With Them
The bracket was on their side, the memes were on their side, and even the sport, a creation of their very own, appeared to be in favor of the Brits. Unfortunately for them, football won’t be coming home, because Croatia beat England in their World Cup semifinal today by a score of 2-1....
Loris Karius Shit-Talked By Liverpool-Supporting Opponent After Latest Boner
Diehard Liverpool fan Ben Tollitt had the distinct pleasure of watching his beloved Pool Boys in person yesterday during a preseason friendly against Tranmere. In the match, the Reds’ beleaguered, error-prone keeper Loris Karius once again bungled a pretty routine save and gave up an easy goal. Toll...
France Versus Belgium Could've Been Awesome But It Kind Of Sucked
Among the 22 players on the pitch during today’s World Cup semifinal that pit France against Belgium, there were a solid half dozen capable of explosive, awe-inspiring feats of greatness. Unfortunately, none of them were able to do anything terribly explosive or awe-inspiring, so France’s 1-0 win to...
Sweet Baby Jesus, Cristiano Ronaldo Really Will Leave Real Madrid For Juventus
What at first felt like the same sort of hyped-up salary negotiation process between Real Madrid and Cristiano Ronaldo we see almost every summer has just gotten real as hell. Real Madrid have now confirmed that, at Ronaldo’s request, they have agreed to transfer him to Juventus....
What The Hell, Ball, Just Go Into The Damn Net Already
The chyron above the action would have you believe that this clip is from a USL match between North Carolina FC and the Charleston Battery, but if you can watch it and see anything other than a soccer-themed pinball machine, then your eyes work differently than mine:...
Luis Enrique Is Spain's New Manager, So It's Time To Stop Getting His Name Wrong
Today, not long after their ignominious World Cup exit and the ignominious decision to fire their manager just days before the tournament kicked off, Spain have hired a new coach for the national team. Do you know his name? Lots of people who should know apparently don’t....
Belgium And Brazil Just Put On The Best Show Of The World Cup
My god, what did we just watch. The game of the tournament, certainly, and probably one of the best matches in recent World Cup history. All I know for sure is that Belgium beat Brazil today, 2-1, in a quarterfinal that had all the intensity, insanity, momentum-swings, and amazing plays that make fo...
Uruguay Keeper's Huge Boner Hands France Commanding 2-0 Lead
It’s been the tale of two keepers so far in this Uruguay-France World Cup quarterfinal. France are currently up 2-0, thanks in large part to this terrible bit of goalkeeping on the otherwise excellent Fernando Muslera’s part:...
Neymar's Theatrical Diving Is Already Corrupting The Youth
Following his team’s elimination from the World Cup at the hands of Brazil, Mexico manager Juan Carlos Osorio was worried about how Neymar’s histrionics might corrupt the next generation. Those fears were well-founded, it turns out, as this clip from a Swiss club’s youth soccer training session prov...