billyhaisley Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
England Miraculously Avoid Pulling An England By Beating Colombia In Penalty Shootout
Coming into the knockout rounds, everything was lined up perfectly for England to make their deepest World Cup run in generations. Naturally, this set a countervailing force in motion, one that would see England do what they always do and choke in hilariously heartbreaking fashion. During today’s En...
Sweden Edge Switzerland In Contest Of Who Sucks Less At Kicking The Ball
Sweden and Switzerland combined to sully what has been an amazingly entertaining World Cup with a total borefest today that did little more than solidify how, without expertise at the apparently arcane art of kicking the ball good, soccer can sort of suck. Sweden won by a score of 1-0. Too bad both ...
Deadspin Up All Night: I'm Into Politics
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Jets, fool....
Edinson Cavani Leads The Shithouse Kings Of Uruguay To Victory Over Portugal
Uruguay are the masters of ugly. Their style of play is defined by lining up 11 guys who want to sprint around for 90 minutes kicking the shit out of the ball and the opposition, taking the so-called beautiful game and shoulder-barging it into the muck and grime of the pitch, and trying to emerge fr...
Kylian Mbappé Annihilates Argentina And Sends France To The World Cup Quarterfinals
For a solid hour, today’s France-Argentina match didn’t make a lick of sense. Then Kylian Mbappé up and decided to impose his own order on the proceedings, and that was that. France won by a deceptive scoreline of 4-3 that doesn’t at all communicate the level of French dominance on display....
Deadspin Up All Night: Shit Is Old, Fam
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Shoutout to that site....
England Score Big Win By Losing To Belgium
In today’s crucial group stage match between England and Belgium, the Brits narrowly managed to come out on top by coming out on bottom of a hard-fought 1-0 loss. With this phenomenal loss, England won entry to the much weaker side of the knockout round bracket, and now have a clear lane to the Worl...
FIFA's Goofy Yellow Card Rule Isn't To Blame For Senegal's World Cup Exit
Senegal got knocked out of the World Cup this afternoon after they lost to Colombia by a score of 1-0. This is a bummer, because Senegal were one of the most entertaining and likable teams in the tournament. However, Senegal have no one to blame other than themselves for how things went down....
Philippe Coutinho Might Fuck Around And Win The World Cup For Brazil
Coming into the World Cup, the big advantage Brazil had over supposed heavy favorites Germany (ha!) and Spain was the presence of a real-deal superstar. In an international tournament, where collective attacking intricacy is in short supply, an individual’s ability to take the ball from one side of ...
South Korea Killed Germany And Tossed The Dead Body Out Of The World Cup
Germany, the reigning champions of world soccer and one of the three huge favorites to win this World Cup, have been knocked out of the tournament at the group stage for the first time in history after losing to South Korea by a score of 2-0. This is absolutely insane....
Deadspin Up All Night: It's Cause They See It
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Bong bong....
Lionel Messi And Marcos Rojo Rescue Argentina From Abject Misery
The stage was all set up for Argentina, until now (and probably still) the single biggest frauds in a tournament defined by fraudhood, to succumb to their misery and die the death they seemed destined for. Somehow, they fought to live another day....
Russia Finally Ran Into A Good Team And Got Exposed
If you were annoyed by the plaudits this seemingly mediocre Russia team received after their admittedly impressive, high-scoring victories over absolute joke teams like Saudi Arabia and Egypt at the start of the World Cup, then you must’ve loved seeing Uruguay bust up on the vile Ruskies in today’s ...
Panama Got Their Asses Kicked And Still Won
Expectations are everything at the World Cup. A narrow loss in the Round of 16 might be a generationally humiliating result for one team while being a heroic feat of determination and resolve for another, with the lines between the two being drawn based on what was expected from each team coming int...
Deadspin Up All Night: On Aime Les Poulets Frits Du Kentucky<em></em>
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. On y va....
FIFA Will Investigate Two Switzerland Players For Controversial Goal Celebrations
FIFA has announced that it has opened an investigation into Switzerland players Xherdan Shaqiri and Granit Xhaka in light of both players’ politically charged goal celebrations during Switzerland’s 2-1 win over Serbia yesterday....
Little-Known Icelandic Soccer Player Becomes Social Media Sensation Due To His Sexiness
Coming into the World Cup, not many people had heard of Icelandic winger Rúrik Gíslason. Then he stepped onto the pitch as a substitute for an injured teammate during his country’s match against Argentina and the whole world realized that he is hot as hell....
Toni Kroos Saves Germany's World Cup With Insane Last-Second Golazo
Germany were perilously close to seeing their chances of making it out of their group dwindle to almost nothing. Tied at 1-1 against Sweden, down to ten men with only seconds remaining in regulation, Germany needed a miracle. Then Toni Kroos did what you see above....
Mexico Are Killing It At The World Cup, And All Good U.S. Fans Are Forbidden From Enjoying It
The exhilarating and remarkably good Mexican national team took on South Korea today in a match that I personally, as a true Stars and Stripes-loving American patriot, was absolutely dreading....