billyhaisley Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Deadspin Up All Night: Please Take It Easy
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The Premier League Is Finally As "Bad" As La Liga
It’s more than a little ironic that the definitive proof that the Premier League truly is as comprehensively and inarguably supreme as its fanboys have long contended it to be has come in the exact form many of those same fanboys shitted on Spain for back when La Liga was top dog....
Look At This Butt Goal
Own goals usually leave defenders red-faced, but the cheeks of Sparta Prague defender Michal Sáček’s ass were most likely the redder after his butt scored an own goal in Sunday’s match against Slavia Prague:...
Nutty Blackmail Plot Involves "Well-Known" Premier League Player Jumping Out Hotel Window Mid-Booty Call
When one Premier League player, whose name is being protected by the authorities, walked into Natalie Wood’s hotel room last year and began to undress, he must’ve believed he was only in for another night of fun and sex with the woman for whom he’d been cheating on his partner. Instead, before the p...
Large Norwegian Teen Has Now Graduated To Crushing Grown Men
Last time we checked in on Erling Braut Håland, the enormous Viking kid had demolished a team of children by scoring nine goals in a single U-20 World Cup match. If you were wondering if the 6-foot-3 teen’s size, strength, and skills would carry over when pitted against adults, the answer is a resou...
Lightning Strikes Jamaican Soccer Field, Sends Three Players To The Hospital
On Monday, a soccer match in Jamaica between Jamaica College and Wolmer’s Boys was suspended in the 84th minute after a bolt of lightning struck the pitch. The bolt’s impact sent several players to the ground, and a total of three players were taken to the hospital in the aftermath. Here’s video of ...
Report: Drew Brees To Undergo Thumb Surgery, Expected To Be Out For Six Weeks
After Drew Brees injured his hand in the Saints’ game against the Rams on Sunday, Adam Schefter is reporting that the quarterback will need surgery on his thumb, which is expected to keep him off the field for six weeks....
Portuguese Soccer Teen Absolutely Cooks A Keeper With Filthy Spin Move
If ever a soccer move deserved the Chris Berman “WHOOP!” sound, it’s the perfectly executed spin Francisca Nazareth hit the goalkeeper with before scoring Portugal’s fourth goal in a U19 friendly against Turkey. Rounding the keeper is one thing, but twirling her is something else entirely:...
Newly Canned Valencia Manager Thinks He Was Fired For Winning A Trophy The Owner Wanted To Blow Off
Even for an infamously drama-filled club like Valencia, the decision to sack Marcelino this week, coming off back-to-back Champions League qualifications and a triumphant run to the Copa del Rey title last season, felt notably crazy from the outside. So imagine how absolutely insane Marcelino himsel...
Deadspin Up All Night: Where Is The Tissue
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Dipshit NFL Reporter Exposes His Entire Ass With Blockheaded Tweets About Antonio Brown's Rape Case
Oftentimes, the worst examples of society’s despicable penchant for immediately blaming and/or discrediting women who report being victims of sexual assault are relegated to anonymous, obscure social media posters and website commenters. Other times, the dumbfucks embodying the trend are people with...
Deadspin Up All Night: Name Got A Ring To It
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New York Jets Cut A Guy Four Months After Drafting Him In The Third Round
You’d be hard pressed to find a better distillation of the bone-deep dysfunction, ineptitude, and LOLJetsiness of the New York Jets than this: On Saturday, the team cut promising pass rusher Jachai Polite just four months after drafting him in the third round....
Report: Dolphins Trade Laremy Tunsil And Kenny Stills To The Texans For A Crap-Ton Of Picks
“The backlash would be amazing,” a source told the Miami Herald on Thursday regarding how the Dolphins locker room would react should rumors that the team might trade star left tackle Laremy Tunsil prove true. “Guys would legit revolt.” Well, Viva la revolución, because the Dolphins have reportedly ...
Cristiano Ronaldo Makes Fun Of VAR For Being A Killjoy After Scoring
Cristiano Ronaldo thought he’d scored his first goal of the new Serie A season last week, only for VAR to erase it due to one of those maddeningly marginal offside calls. In today’s match against Napoli, the Juventus forward once again found the back of the net, only this time the goal stood. In ack...
Eric Cantona Gives Instantly Iconic, Batshit Insane Speech At UEFA Award Show
“As flies to wanton boys, we are for the gods. They kill us for sport,” was how soccer legend Eric Cantona, quoting Shakespeare, began his wholly and fittingly insane acceptance speech after being handed the UEFA President’s Award today. And it only got weirder from there:...
Liverpool And Manchester City Still Reign Supreme
The start of a new season offers all the promise of a blank slate. Onto this yet untouched slab, our imaginations can run wild carving any conceivable array of results and events, thrillingly unconstrained by anything other than our own whims and predictions. However, though we are just three matche...
Manager Ascends To New Level Of Consciousness, Makes Completely Logical Connection Between The Handball Rule And Brexit
The modern discourse is a never-ending cascade of Expanding Brain memes. Everyone plays their part, and when Deadspin is doing its job well, we provide takes that belong to one of the latter panels, ones hopefully more sophisticated than this but less out-there than this. Proving that our angle on t...
The New Handball Rule Is The Cold, VAR Is Cancer
For the second time in as many weeks of the new Premier League season, the biggest story from the weekend was another ruinously stupid imposition of VAR. The only thing more tiring than having to write the umpteenth anti-VAR post is having to witness video replay poison this wonderful sport from wee...
There Is No Ethical Dissent Under Capitalism
It’s safe to say Jay-Z, to some extent, takes cues from Colin Kaepernick. Jay-Z has expressed his admiration of the former quarterback before, once calling him an “iconic figure.” In the aftermath of Kaepernick’s black-balling from the NFL for his peaceful protest of police killing unarmed black men...