billyhaisley Page 29 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Goalkeeper Openly Sobs After His Knee Explodes
You can’t really fault Club Atlas keeper Óscar Ustari for weeping like a young child whose dog just died in the middle of his team’s Liga MX match against Tigres last night, not after you see the gruesome way his kneecap just up and popped out of place during a routine kick of the ball....
<i>The Killing Of A Sacred Deer</i> Is As Scary As Anything You'll Ever See<em></em>
The scariest movie in theaters this Halloween season isn’t the one where a college kid relives the night she was brutally murdered over and over, nor is it the one in which a homicidal maniac with a god complex designs elaborate games in order to torture and kill his victims, nor is it the movie abo...
Manchester United Will Not Go Away Quietly
First, you have a club like Manchester United, an impossibly rich and successful one that very recently was the true hegemon of English soccer but as of late has endured more humiliation than glory. Then, you couple it with a manager like José Mourinho—a legitimately legendary figure, a true visiona...
Goalkeeper Gets Red Card For Taking A Piss In The Middle Of Match
Not many were sure why, but in the 86th minute of this weekend’s Salford City-Bradford Park Avenue match in England’s sixth-tier league, Salford keeper Max Crocombe was sent off for something that happened away from the action on the field. Soon, though, it became clear: Crocombe had taken a pee bre...
Scumbag Tottenham Fans Team Up To Pee In Cup, Fling It Toward Rival Fans
The following video, filmed during yesterday’s Tottenham-West Ham League Cup match, depicts one Spurs fan in attendance whipping out his schlong in the middle of the stands, peeing into a cup, and handing that cup of pee to a fellow Tottenham fan, who then flings it across the stands towards the vis...
Some Indonesian Guy Named Terens Puhiri Is Apparently The Fastest Man In The World
I don’t know much about Indonesian soccer, not even enough to be properly impressed when Wikipedia describes 21-year-old Borneo FC forward Terens Puhiri as “The Next Boaz Solossa,” but what I do know is what fast looks like. And this guy sure is fast:...
Maybe Arsenal Aren't Doomed Yet After All
If you were diagramming the worst possible scenario (which, Arsenal being Arsenal, would double as the most probable forecast for their coming campaign) for the Gunners’ season this year, you would’ve had this year being one of woe....
This Big Slovak Kid Straight Up Wrecked The Famed Stars Of Napoli's Attack
Highlight reels in soccer often cull together the best moves of attacking players, and for good reason. Scoring is the most important thing you can do in the sport, dribbles and passes and shots are just more aesthetically pleasing than smart defensive positioning, etc. etc. That doesn’t mean the bi...
Enjoy Tottenham Now While It Lasts
What a time it is to be a Tottenham fan!...
120 Morons Arrested After Soccer Hooligans Brawl With Police In Belgium
This weekend, Club Brugge hosted and defeated Royal Antwerp in Belgium’s top soccer division. Presumably, this unremarkable feat should’ve inspired fans to calmly return to their homes afterwards. Instead, lots and lots of local Belgian and, bizarrely, foreign Dutch fans took to the streets and batt...
I Can't Stop Watching This Video Of Petr Cech Slapping Ping Pong Balls Away From His Face
I don’t know if this video of Arsenal keeper Petr Cech batting away a bombardment of ping pong balls depicts the brilliant cutting edge of goalkeeper training, a fun but ultimately pointless exercise, or Arsenal’s real-life version of Blade Runner 2049's emotional baseline test, but what I do know i...
Soccer Fan Travels Halfway Around The World To Visit Tiny Club He Plays On <i>Football Manager</i>
You’d think that Runcorn Linnets, the name of an English soccer club currently competing in the North West Counties League a whopping eight divisions below the Premier League, wouldn’t hold much importance outside of the tiny pocket of ostensible fans tucked away in northern England. You’d be wrong....
Angry Idiot Sneaks Onto Field To Berate His Team's Players
Coventry City fans don’t take losing home matches against relegation candidates too lightly, apparently. Hence this Coventry supporter making his way onto the pitch during his team’s 1-0 loss to Forest Green in England’s fourth tier to really make his displeasure felt:...
Craig Shakespeare Fired By Leicester City
To keep, or not to keep. That was the question. Whether ‘twas nobler in the mind of Leicester City’s board to suffer under a popular but mediocre manager just because his presence and style called to mind the glory days of a yore, or if the club should shit-can him in an effort to hopefully live up ...
The Next Generation Of American Soccer Fans Are Already Roasting The USMNT
One of the bad things about the USMNT missing out on the World Cup is that there will now be a generation of youngsters who won’t fall in love with the team and the sport. And while it’s only been days since the U.S.’s ouster became official, we’re already seeing examples of this phenomenon. Case in...
The USMNT Got Exactly What It Deserved
So here we are. After a shambolic qualifying campaign full of perceived nadirs, false dawns, and nearly constant disappointment, the USMNT has finished behind Mexico and Costa Rica and Panama and Honduras in the hexagonal table. The U.S. fell to Trinidad & Tobago last night, and will not compete in ...
Iceland's Soccer Warriors Do Thor Proud By Qualifying For Their First World Cup Ever
Iceland is a nation that for generations has gazed upon the horizon and seen dozens of armies gearing up for the battle that is World Cup qualifying, each one with infantry ranks wildly outnumbering their own. Yet in the face of this enormous challenge the mighty Icelanders sharpened their swords wi...
Scotland National Team Manager Wants Big Scots To Hump And Make Tall Players
Gordon Strachan, manager of the Scotland national soccer team, has given lots of thought to what exactly is plaguing his native country’s soccer. Insufficient funding? His own bad coaching? The natural limitations of a nation of only about five million people? All minor issues by Strachan’s reckonin...
Jerry Jones Says Any Cowboy Seen "Disrespecting The Flag" Will Not Play
Jerry Jones—the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, the inventor of the bullshit but diabolically ingenious national anthem protest rebranding scheme, and the odds-on favorite to portray Dobby the House Elf’s great-grandfather in any future Harry Potter sequels—is done pretending. No longer does he feel th...
Egypt Qualify For The World Cup And No One Is Happier Than This Sweet Old Dad
Mohamed Salah was Egypt’s hero yesterday, scoring twice in a 2-1 win over Congo that officially stamped the Egyptians’ tickets to next summer’s World Cup. This is just the third time Egypt have ever qualified for the World Cup, and will be their first one since 1990. Hence why this cute old man melt...