billyhaisley Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Free From Their Sexist, Tyrannical Former Manager, Spain Can Finally Just Play Soccer
They say that when God closes a door, he opens a window, and that wisdom is knowing to stop worrying about the closed door and start taking advantage of the open window. The metaphor applies to the Spain women’s soccer team’s experience at their first World Cup four years ago. The closed door was th...
South Africa's World Cup Debutantes Are Already Legends
No matter what happens in France this summer, the players that make up the South Africa women’s national team are already legends....
Norway Might Have Won The Whole Thing, If Only They Hadn't Alienated The Best Player In The World
The situation with Norway’s women’s soccer team is like something out of the Iliad. In this analogy, the World Cup is the Trojan War, the Norwegian team is the heavily armed but nonetheless overmatched Greek army, and Ada Hegerberg is Achilles, the Grecian hero of otherworldly abilities who very wel...
Nigeria Have The Star Power To Go Down In A Blaze Of Glory
The question before Nigeria heading into this World Cup is the same one they’ve faced going into every other World Cup: Will this be the tournament the Super Falcons finally put it all together and make a real run? Unfortunately, the answer is probably the same as it has been in years past: No, this...
South Korea Are No Minnows, But They're Still Food For The World Cup's Sharks
The best thing you can say about South Korea coming into this World Cup is that they are fine....
France's Women Are On A Mission To Establish Worldwide Soccer Dominance
If the 100 percent non-existent aliens that purportedly flit about Earth’s skies were in fact real, and if they somehow mustered enough gumption in their lily liver-equivalent alien organs to descend upon the far superior human race and challenge us to a pair of soccer matches—one men’s, one women’s...
Nobody Has It Better Than Liverpool
Along the vast spectrum of possible states a soccer club could exist in, there is a vanishingly small patch that, for my tastes, qualifies as ideal....
Large Norwegian Teen Scores Nine Goals In One Game In U-20 World Cup
This is Erling Braut Håland. The 6-foot-3 Norwegian is 18 years old, and he looks like a lock to be cast as Thor in the certainly forthcoming Teen Avengers movie. He also scored nine times in today’s game against Honduras in the U-20 World Cup as Norway romped to a record-breaking 12-0 win....
Spanish Soccer Team Celebrates Promotion With Awkward Postgame Strip Tease
With their season-capping win on Saturday, soccer club Esportiu Llançà won promotion from Catalonia’s third division (Spain’s seventh tier overall) to its second. To celebrate the team going up, one of the club’s board members arranged for a stripper to enter the locker room after the game and drop ...
78 Seconds Of Batshit Argentine Soccer Features Violent Tackles, Tears, Unconscionable Flopping
Argentine soccer is plagued by a bullshit macho culture where the biggest sin is losing and the biggest virtue is lunging about, heedlessly throwing your body into as many opponents as possible to prove how large your testicles are. For a short clip demonstrating the anarchic, violent, dive-y style ...
Lakers GM Rob Pelinka Apparently Made Up A Bizarre Story About Kobe Bryant And Heath Ledger
I know we already wrote about ESPN’s delightfully detailed account of the Lakers’ deep-seated institutional rot, but this phony story GM Rob Pelinka invented about Kobe Bryant and Heath Ledger is too good not to call specific attention to....
Colombian Soccer Player Found Dead Days After Family Reported Her Missing
Leidy Asprilla, a 22-year-old soccer player who had represented Colombia in youth international tournaments, was found dead off the side of a road yesterday. Her family reported her missing on Sunday after Asprilla left home to pick up a teammate for a training session but never arrived....
Kevin Durant Still Hasn't Logged Off
Seen through the lens of his Drakification, Kevin Durant seems to have entered the “Jaded” period of his NBA career. In “Jaded,” Drake croons about an ex whom he is dismayed to see doing well without him. Durant likely feels similar watching the Warriors blow past their Western Conference opponents ...
Be Horrified By Manchester City For The Right Reasons
On Saturday, Watford were set alight and consumed by flames in the latest sacrificial ritual attesting to the almighty powers of Manchester City. The smoke from that immolation announced City as champions of the F.A. Cup, winners of the first domestic treble in English soccer history, and legitimate...
Soccer Referee Dies After Suffering Heart Attack During A Match In Bolivia
Víctor Hugo Hurtado was refereeing Sunday’s Bolivian first division match between Always Ready and Oriente Petrolero when he collapsed on the pitch midgame due to a reported heart attack. Stadium support staff took Hurtado to a local hospital, where the 31-year-old suffered another heart attack and ...
Happy Trails To Lazar Marković, A Hero To Underachievers Everywhere
Lazar Marković is not a good soccer player. It would even be fair to describe him as an actively bad one, at least relative to the level expected of players at the clubs that have paid him a sizable salary to do anything but play soccer for them these past few years. And yet, until today, Marković h...
Massimiliano Allegri And Juventus Are Breaking Up
After five wildly successful years, Juventus released a statement today saying that the club and manager Massimiliano Allegri would be parting ways at the end of this season....
Nobody Loves Sports Babies More Than Son Heung-Min
The final game of the soccer season is often the time for players and club staff to enjoy the culmination of the long season by mingling with each other and their families out on the pitch, making it prime time for cute sports baby hijinks. Tottenham forward Son Heung-min may be unmarried and childl...
Deadspin Up All Night: Jellies, Bubble Yum, Soda Tongue
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go....
Crystal Palace Team Doctor Says A Toddler Racially Abused Him And His Kids Outside Palace's Stadium
Zafar Iqbar, a doctor on staff at Premier League club Crystal Palace, was taking two of his kids to Palace’s home match against Bournemouth on Sunday when he says a three-year-old child, walking nearby alongside his father, shouted a racist slur at Iqbar and his children....