billyhaisley Page 52 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Edinson Cavani Is A Hero
Maybe we’ve been looking at this all wrong. Maybe Edinson Cavani—the once world-bestriding striker who now seems trapped in his own private purgatory, one where his intelligent movement and powerful runs allow him to crash through defenses at will, only for all semblance of confidence and skill and ...
Evil Person Ruins Lionel Messi's Career In Video Game
One of the chief appeals of the much-beloved video game series Football Manager is seeing how this meticulously-researched game that goes to absurd lengths for realism forecasts the future, and how you, by way of your invented manager avatar, can affect that future. Usually, gamers accomplish this t...
Here's Barcelona, Literally Walking The Ball Into The Net
Great goals come in all shapes and sizes. A particularly satisfying kind of wondergoal is the one where the players tip-tap the ball between each other, snaking their way through the entire defense with technique and quickness rather than brute physicality, and only sliding the ball over the goal li...
Soccer Man Gets Extremely Hyped About This Dope Thing He Just Did
It’s not often that defenders are the architects of highlight reel-quality plays, and seeing as an acrobatic goal-line clearance is basically the defensive equivalent of a golazo for an attacker, it makes sense that Bursaspor’s Aziz Behich was super pumped after pulling off this amazing feat:...
Mario Balotelli Is Back, Baby!
The shirt colors look familiar but the team is different, and so are the country and the pressure and the expectations, and maybe even the player, too. Mario Balotelli is back on the soccer field for the first time in a long time, and he’s doing good things for the first time in even longer....
Deadspin Up All Night: I Don't Like To Talk
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go....
Thankfully, The Manchester Derby Wasn't All About José Mourinho And Pep Guardiola
It’s more than a little understandable that the narrative buildup coming into this weekend’s Manchester Derby was centered on the game as a managerial showdown. Yes, the two iconic managers of this generation—José Mourinho and Pep Guardiola, two legitimate soccer geniuses who famously and furiously ...
Borussia Dortmund Manager Pours Some Cold Water On The Christian Pulisic Craze
Hardcore American soccer fans are rightfully beside ourselves with excitement about our latest and greatest hope for a soccer superstar, Christian Pulisic—especially after his exploits during this past international break. Should he—a teenaged, Bieber-bumping child, mind you—leave Borussia Dortmund ...
Christian Benteke Probably Made Crystal Palace Sign His Little Brother, Who Sucks
It’s often difficult for small teams to convince players at big clubs making big bucks to forgo the glory and riches of the game’s destination clubs in favor of being the star at the little team, even when said player has found himself latched to the big team’s bench. Thus small clubs must pull out ...
Today's Shocking Miss Of The Day Comes To You All The Way From Lithuania
My Lithuanian is a little rusty, but I assume that the announcer’s “Oi yoi yoi! Oi yoi yoi!” in response to this Kauno Žalgiris striker missing the unmissible—a completely open net with the keeper yards away from goal—translates to something like: “Jesus Christ, did he really just blow that??? Like,...
Famous Old Soccer Man Comes Out Of Retirement To Join Retirement League
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a great and celebrated soccer star, who not too long ago decided he didn’t have the drive and/or talent to hack it in the sport anymore, has chosen to take his talents to the geriatric enrichment program known as MLS due to his (likely accurate) belief that, ...
FIFA Upholds Transfer Bans For Real Madrid And Atlético
Nearly eight months after first announcing transfer sanctions on both Real Madrid and Atlético Madrid in response to rule violations in the signing of underage players, FIFA has officially rejected the two clubs’ appeals. Neither Madrid club will be able to register new players until January of 2018...
Arsène Wenger Disses José Mourinho In The Pettiest Way Possible
José Mourinho and Arsène Wenger do not like each other. José Mourinho and Arsène Wenger do not pass up on opportunities to make it clear, both to each other and the world at large, that they do not like each other. Today, Arsène Wenger did something—an incredibly petty thing, at that—to demonstrate ...
Alejandro Bedoya And Eric Wynalda Face Off In Extremely Raw Twitter Beef
Last night, the U.S. men’s soccer team kicked the nuts clean off Trinidad and Tobago, setting them up well ahead of the next round of World Cup Qualifying, and, most promisingly, did so by featuring the prodigious talents of the wonderteen himself, Christian Pulisic. All should be happy in USMNT lan...
Here's Why Yaya Touré Was Left Off Manchester City's Champions League Roster
When last we heard talk of Yaya Touré, it involved Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola extolling the virtues of the star midfielder he nevertheless had repeatedly refused to include in City’s matchday squads. Guardiola remarked that the Ivorian was “training amazing,” but because the manager expec...
Yesterday's Craziness Is Why We Love Transfer Deadline Day
The transfer window as a whole pretty much sucks. It teases you with literally thousands of tantalizing rumors about so-and-so team going after so-and-so player, drumming up a cacophony of irrelevant takes about value and fit and ideal roles for transfers that do not and were never going to actually...
Hope Solo Ends Her Club Season Early After USWNT Suspension
Last week, U.S. Soccer suspended Hope Solo from the USWNT and canceled her contract with the team in a move clearly meant as a very public, quite possibly permanent distancing of the national team from their long-serving goalkeeper. After taking an indefinite leave of absence from her club team, the...
Diving Scorpion Kick Goals Are The Best Goals
Normally, the uniformly terrible music soccer highlight makers afflict upon their videos detracts from the action on display. However, this metal track accompanying a video of Dmytro Ulyanov’s scorpion kick golazo in the Ukrainian first division really gets the feeling of badassery conveyed by Ulyan...
Cute Little Spanish Kids Console Distraught Little Japanese Kids After Wrecking Them At Soccer<em></em>
The baby-faced assassins of Barcelona’s youth team won an international U12 tournament this weekend, beating the tots of Japanese club Omiya Ardija in the final. The Omiya Ardija kids were absolutely destroyed by the loss, which led to this adorable moment of sportsmanship as the winners tried to co...
High School Player Scores Insane Front-Flip Goal, But It Doesn't Count<em></em>
A key part of the majesty of sports is watching the human body confront unique problems and, within the confines of the sport’s rules and the constraints of what is physically possible, solve them on the fly with a feat of athletic genius. This is what makes Columbine high schooler Dylan Prichett-Et...