billyhaisley Page 57 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Holy Shit, The USMNT Is In The Copa América Semifinals!
When we learned that the USMNT would be playing Ecuador—a team whose relatively middling reputation on the international scene belies their legitimate talent—for the right to compete in the Copa América semis, we were hopeful about the U.S.’s chances to progress but also a little worried about the s...
England Snatch Win Against Wales With Daniel Sturridge Stoppage Time Goal
You can’t say it wasn’t deserved. Late on in a England-Wales match that was somehow still tied at one goal apiece despite the Three Lions creating more and better chances, England got the winner thanks to a brilliant Dele Alli flick and some nifty Daniel Sturridge footwork before he fired the ball i...
Nice Russian Men Bring A Message Of Love To France—But Not In The Gay Way
Through either the power of ABBA or the threat of their team’s expulsion, some Russian fans have taken to heart the need for them to stop kicking the shit out of rival supporters, and instead commune with their soccer-loving brethren. Take the above picture Sky reporter Paul Kelso snapped with some ...
This Hilarious, Imaginative Icelandic Twitter Account Is The One To Follow For The Euros
“And now the unfortunate Portuguese will feel the mighty thunder of Þór’s Icelandic warriors” read the first tweet from Iceland’s English-language magazine, the Reykjavík Grapevine, during their coverage of their teeny tiny nation’s Euro 2016 match against Portugal. It didn’t take long after that fo...
German Club Unveils New Player Alongside Some Dude Wearing Mask Of Manager's Face
The guy on the right of this photo is Thomas Meggle, sporting director for German second division club St. Pauli. The guy in the middle is Marvin Ducksch, the team’s brand-new striker as announced just hours ago. The guy on the left, well, is not who he appears to be....
ABBA's "Dancing Queen" Has The Power To Soothe The Violent Souls Of Soccer Fans
The single biggest story to emerge from the Euros thus far is the fan violence. It’s important to remember, though, that not all European soccer fans are depraved lunatics who stomp out other people in the wrong-colored shirts for fun. Or, alternatively, that “Dancing Queen” is such a fun and unifyi...
Sweatpants-Rocking Keeper Gábor Király Has Always Been Our Soccer Dad
At 40 years of age, goalkeeper Gábor Király became the oldest player to ever appear in a European Championship game today when took the field for Hungary’s match against Austria. You might think that his attire from today’s game—particularly, those conspicuous gray sweatpants seen above—was a knowin...
Germany Manager Loves To Smell His Own Nether Regions
The above video, given the disgustingly appropriate title “Joachim Löw smells his balls and his ass during Germany vs Ukraine 2-0,” blew up this weekend because, well, it shows a grown man slipping his hands down the front and back of his pants and sniffing the offending fingers. Sadly, new evidence...
Gigi Buffon Busts His Ass Celebrating Italy's Win
Careful, old man. Your back at 38 isn’t as resilient as it was at 18. Here’s a couple more angles of Buffon’s fall:...
UEFA Promises To Boot Russia From Euros Upon Next Incident Of In-Stadium Fan Violence
Even if more than a couple bigwigs in Russian sport don’t, UEFA apparently does take seriously the problems that Russian hooligans have caused so far in this Euro 2016 tournament—namely, of course, the problem of them beating the life out of dozens of English fans. Today, UEFA announced stiff penalt...
Deadspin Up All Night: Remember
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Marouane Fellaini's Hair Is Real Bad
Regular Fellaini hair: cool. Fellaini hair dunked in a vat of peroxide so that it loses its appealing form and texture and instead resembles an stringy mass of nasty yellow cotton candy: uncool. Stay cool, Fellaini....
Fan Violence Is Out Of Control At Euro 2016
While “fan” violence in Europe in 2016 is, sadly, by no means out of the ordinary, the kinds of sustained and coordinated attacks we’ve seen at such a high-profile international event like Euro 2016 these past few days is pretty shocking. We have Englishmen taunting local fans, locals orchestrating ...
So The USMNT Maybe, Might, Possibly Could Win The Copa América?
Heading into the Copa América Centenario, Jürgen Klinsmann placed the U.S.’s target on a spot in the semifinals. This sounded like a textbook managerial oversell. It was hard to imagine how the USMNT, in a tournament (of trumped-up importance or not) with teams like Argentina and Brazil and Colombia...
Dimitri Payet Saves France's Ass With Late Game-Winning Goal
France at times looked a little tense during their Euro 2016-opening match against Romania, as they created chances at will but couldn’t keep their composure enough to convert them into goals. Late on, they were tied at 1-1, looking for someone to save the day. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that it w...
David De Gea Implicated In Criminal Case Against Accused Sex Trafficker
Today, Spanish paper El Diario released police documents they’ve acquired that implicate Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea and Athletic Bilbao midfielder Iker Muniaín in the ongoing criminal investigations against Spanish pornographer Ignacio Allende Fernández....
MLS Team Not Happy About Brazilian Manager Dissing The League
Washed-up Brazilian legend Kaká was originally left off of his country’s Copa América roster because he is old and past it and plays in MLS, the old-timers’ league. With Brazilian internationals dropping like flies to injury in the lead up to the tournament, manager Dunga eventually did give Kaká a ...
Philippe Coutinho Is Soccer's Ultimate Heat-Check Guy
We’re all familiar with the heat-check guy in basketball. That is a guy, usually a yappy wing player tasked with the sole responsibility of getting buckets from off the bench, who exhibits such outsized confidence in his jumper that, when he gets it going with a few consecutive Js, he’s prone to thr...
James Rodríguez Might Fuck Around And Win The Copa América By Himself
Because this 100 year anniversary version of the Copa América hosted in the U.S. is widely understood as the made-up, money-scrounging ruse that it is, there are only a select few teams that have both the talent and the motivation to go out and win the thing....
Uruguay Players Say Referee Taunted Them By Grabbing His Dick And Balls
The video you see above shows a couple Uruguay players haranguing the referees immediately after their 3-1 loss against Mexico in the Copa America on Sunday. You might imagine that the fervor of the players’ protestations was piqued by the pregame national anthem gaffe, plus the shellacking Mexico j...