billyhaisley Page 79 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
London Mayor Takes Break From Harming Kids In Sports, Eats It In Tug-Of-War
Boris Johnson, mayor of London, infamous child injurer, and all-around galoot, finally decided to pick on some lads his own size when he took on members of the UK’s armed forces in a tug-of-war match. Like his other spells with athletics, it too ended in embarrassment, only this time he was the only...
Gerard Deulofeu Is Kind Of A Nutcase But I Love Him All The Same
If the whole of Arsenal’s 2-1 win over Everton this weekend left me with any lasting impression, it was that I should give more respect to the Gunners’ budding title charge; they more or less coasted to another three points against formidable opposition, the sort of thing they’ve seemed capable of i...
Russian Idiot On The Field Uses MacGyver Skills To Escape Security
The only thing more stereotypically Russian than the urge to sprint out onto the pitch in celebration of your team scoring is successfully fleeing back into the crowd before security apprehends you. Shouts out to the crowd for their teamwork. (Warning: video’s kinda loud.)...
Didier Drogba, Who's Destroying MLS, Says MLS Has A Lot To Improve
Didier Drogba, one of our favorite players over the years who’s nonetheless closer to middle age than the middle of his playing prime, gave some of the gentle yet unambiguous real talk that former European stars cashing checks in MLS are prone to hand down from time to time. Surprise surprise, he do...
Crowd Howls In Laughter After Humiliated Striker Misses Open Net
Ah, the distinct charm of lower league soccer. One second you’re awed by an inch-perfect, outside-of-the-foot 40-yard through ball sending a teammate clear on goal, the next you’re doubled over in laughter when the striker can’t walk it into the net....
Daniel Sturridge Has No Luck
If you wanted more proof that Daniel Sturridge is cursed with terrible, rotten, no-good luck, here you go: after finally returning to action about a month ago after last spring’s hip surgery, the Liverpool striker is set to miss his third consecutive match with knee discomfort and will undergo a sca...
Three Friends Take A Selfie
Look, we have a fun new picture. It’s of our friend, Sergio Agüero. And his friend, UK Prime Minister David Cameron. And their other friend, Chinese President Xi Jinping. Big smiles all around....
Germany's Explanation For Their World Cup Bribery Scandal Makes No Sense
Last week, the German soccer association (DFB) was rocked by allegations that they had bribed four FIFA executives in exchange for the hosting rights for the 2006 World Cup. Today, the head of the DFB gave a press conference to address the allegations. He did not do much to clear things up....
Bastian Schweinsteiger To Sue Company Making Nazi Soldier Toy That Looks Like Him
On left side of the picture above, we have Bastian Schweinsteiger, Germany captain and Manchester United midfielder. On the right is “Bastian,” a Chinese toy company’s newest Nazi soldier in its WWII collection. You can probably understand why the real Bastian is a little upset....
Ref Chosen For <i>El Clásico</i> Claims He Was Ordered To Favor Real Madrid
A Spanish referee has filed a complaint with local police, claiming that upon notice that he was to be selected as the line judge in next month’s Real Madrid-Barcelona match, his bosses made it clear that he was to make decisions in favor of the Madrid club....
Dozens Of Fans Hurl Every Chair In Manchester At Each Other In Massive Brawl
Ahead of today’s Manchester City-Sevilla Champions League match, a bunch of fans met in the streets of Manchester and partook in a huge fight, chucking an insane number of chairs and tables at each other, proving yet again that soccer fans are the worst....
David Moyes Belongs In The Premier League
David Moyes, the once-esteemed former manager of Everton and Manchester United, is in trouble. After getting run out of the biggest job in the Premier League in humiliating fashion, he fled to the relatively calm shores of Basque Country. There, he sought to rehabilitate his career with ambitious an...
José Mourinho Caught Apparently Shoving A Kid Trying To Sneak A Selfie
It’s not been the best couple months for Chelsea boss José Mourinho. We already knew that his shockingly poor start to the season and the pressure that has come with it was beginning to fracture the man’s sanity. Now he’s out here in the streets of London, pushing teens who just want a picture....
Arsenal Beat Bayern Munich With Two Of The Scruffiest Goals You'll See
For a while there it looked like Manuel Neuer’s superhero saves would keep a surprisingly dominant Arsenal off the scoresheet. By the end, though, the Gunners wound up sneaking the ball past Neuer twice—not with moments of brilliance, but by bungling the ball over the line by any means necessary....
This Is Why Manuel Neuer Is The Best Goalkeeper On The Planet
This save is simply preposterous. The subtle positioning, the movement, the straight up hand of steel that Bayern Munich keeper Manuel Neuer uses to keep out this point-blank Theo Walcott header is nothing short of amazing. This guy is something else....
Chinese Soccer Player Accidentally Kicks The Living Shit Out Of Teammate
Li Jianbin only had eyes for the ball. The rest of the world faded away and there was only the ball, Li, and the necessity for Li to punt the thing into orbit. But when his bicycle kick was completed and he fell to the ground, the only thing Li had succeeded in clearing was his Shanghai Shenhua team...
Deadspin Up All Night: No Other Place I'd Want To Be
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Manchester United Are (Sort Of) For Real, Apparently
By losing to a surprisingly rampant Arsenal in their previous league game before the international break, Manchester United more or less confirmed our sneaking suspicions about this team’s place in the EPL hierarchy. Their spot in the table may make them technically contenders but there still remain...
Yaya Touré Confirms That Lionel Messi Is A Marvelous Shit-Talker
In the neat and tidy world of the public imagination, Lionel Messi is the angelic naif foil to Cristiano Ronaldo, the mercurial egotist. Thankfully, reality is more complicated than that, as former Messi teammate and opponent Yaya Touré points out in this interview clip....
Cristiano Ronaldo's Son Trolls His Grandma With Questions About Messi
Noted Lionel Messi superfan Cristiano Ronaldo Jr. got in some good digs on his superstar dad’s mom recently. While attending daddy Ronaldo’s award ceremony for his fourth Golden Boot, the little kid had some timely questions about Messi’s Balon d’Or collection. Granny was none too interested....